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Radiation From Fukushima Detected off Canada's Coast
A satirical look at current events!
Radiation From Fukushima Detected off Canada’s Coast: Radiation from Japan’s 2011 Fukushima nuclear disaster has for the first time been detected along a North American shoreline, though officials claim the levels are too low to pose a significant threat to human or marine life. Guess we can only hope they know what the Fukushima they’re talking about.
CERN Atom Smasher Starts Up After 2-Year Shutdown: Hoping to get a look into the unseen universe of dark matter and dark energy, scientists are beginning to restart the giant CERN atom smasher after a two-year shutdown. Which begs the question, how do they get the atoms smashed? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say with microscopic bottles of Jack Daniels.
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Air India Grounds Pilots Over Fight in Cockpit: Air India has grounded two of its pilots after a fight erupted between the pair just before takeoff, as the co-pilot reportedly assaulted the captain inside the cockpit as they were preparing the passenger plane for takeoff. Hard to imagine any big issue arising with having a really pissed-off co-pilot in a plane.
Study Says Night Owls at Risk for Disease: Researchers found that night owls may enjoy staying up late, but their belated bedtimes may be a detriment to their health in middle age as people with late bedtimes are more likely to develop diabetes and other health problems. The only hope seems to be that the insomniacs will become so tired of hearing about all the health risks that they’ll finally fall asleep.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Kim Kardashian Reveals She May Not Be Able to Carry More Children: On a recent airing of their reality show, Kim Kardashian revealed that she may not be able to carry any more children because her placenta grew onto her uterus. And while I’m no doctor, I have a sneaking suspicion that that isn’t the only thing growing in her uterus. A Kardashian not able to breed? And to think I was starting to believe there’d be no good news today.
Parents of Extremely Obese Children Could Lose Kids: A provocative commentary in one of the nation’s most distinguished medical journals argues that parents of “extremely obese children” should lose custody for not controlling their children’s’ weight. Perhaps even more controversial was the suggestion that the children be sent to stay with parents of anorexic children until everything balances out.
Woman Arrested for Shopping in the Nude: A woman shocked both shoppers and employees by calmly walking into a lumber store completely nude before being detained by authorities. Store management said they were reasonably OK with her nudity, right up to the point where she attempted to pull out her credit cards.
