Single Moms of South Pas: The Myth of Time Management

I was fundraising for my son’s preschool as part of the requirement for financial aid while working in the classroom as part of my co-op obligation. I also had two jobs. 

The school director was pleased with my successful fundraising, so I offered to do more. I told her I could increase my fundraising, but I’d have to temporarily cut back on the required classroom hours.

She responded, “Well then, perhaps you ought to try to manage your time better.”

Stunned, I stammered, “I guess I could get up at four AM instead of five…” and rushed out.  

A day later, I called her with trepidation and explained just how offensive and insensitive her statement was to a working, single mom.  Fortunately, that director responded apologetically. She really just didn’t “get it” and was grateful for the “education.”  

Don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking that with the right “time management tools” you can do it all. The reality is that—for many single parents without substantial financial or family resources—there just isn’t enough time. Telling ourselves to “work smarter” is demoralizing and self-defeating. 

If possible, find a friend or neighbor (or relative if you're lucky enough) who can watch your child for a few hours—so you can enjoy time off knowing your child is safe. Ask for it before you “hit the wall.”  (Literally. Or you’ll be repairing plaster on top of everything else.)

I’ve always called myself an “imperfect perfectionist.” I learned to accept that something had to give: a clean floor, a homemade lunch (my son never ate it anyway), ironed clothes (I don’t even own an iron anymore). 

Attempting to Juggle 

One single mom going to school and working full-time—with lots of family support—was in awe of the fact that I took my son to Gymboree, Mommy & Me, tap, basketball These kinds of activities weren’t on the list of possibilities for most of her single mom friends.

As my son got older, I found ways to give him other opportunities—global student community work, sleepover camp, photography classes—through scholarships and bartering. Sometimes it was too much juggling, and I found myself falling down in other areas like getting enough sleep or having enough patience.  

Though I believe traditional time management “tips” aren’t always helpful for us single moms, there are a few nuggets you do pick up.  Like putting your young child to bed fully dressed so you don’t have to deal with it in the morning.

There are ways to live with a sense of humor and keep our sanity. If you're wondering why even with finely honed money and time management skills, bringing home the oatmeal today seems to require far more effort and reap far less benefits. Take a look at Robert’s Reich’s NY Times piece:  “The Limping Middle Class.”.

My younger sister recently told me about a book that “isn’t your typical time management book”: Time Warrior: How to Defeat Procrastination, People-pleasing, Self-doubt, Over-commitment, Broken Promises and Chaos”.  

I plan to read it. As soon as I carve out some time.