21 Aug 2014
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Patch Instagram photo by greenwichpatch
Patch Instagram photo by greenwichpatch
Patch Instagram photo by greenwichpatch
Patch Instagram photo by greenwichpatch
Patch Instagram photo by greenwichpatch

A Zombie Valentine

A Zombie Valentine

So I'm, outside cleaning off the last of the icy areas on my frozen driveway.

It’s been a hard winter around here and the fact that we're only a week into February is not a very comforting thought.

I had just finished smashing up a particularly troublesome encrustation with an ice chopper, when I turned back to grab my shovel and, speaking of encrustations, what do I find standing within inches of my nose, but one of the Zombies across the street.


Now, normally, I wouldn’t have been surprised by this, having grown used to the Zombie's lack of awareness when it comes to respecting personal space issues, but I can usually smell them coming…unless of course, as in this case, the thermometer is well below freezing, which tends to mask the de-comp.

Anyway, there we are, nose to nose…or nose to…whatever remains where a nose used to be…and to make matters worse, he’s smiling…and if you’ve ever seen a Zombie smile…well, let’s just say that in itself can be unsettling.

“Hey there…uh, you…whatcha been up to,” was all I could think to say, which was not very smart since I’ve learned it’s best to not to really know what  a Zombie has been up to, plus, once you engage them in conversation, you could be stuck there for hours trying to make sense of what they’re trying to communicate. I think it’s because they try to avoid sibilants in conversation since they’ve learned the hissing sound tends to disturb people.

It’s always the same old issues with Zombies—I won’t bore you with the details— but this time I was actually a little surprised by what this Zombie was looking for.

In a nut shell, he wanted me to take him to the mall and help him do some Valentine’s shopping for the Mrs.

Yep…you read that right…Valentine’s shopping.

Apparently things have been falling apart between him and the little woman for a while now, ever since…well, ever since things literally started falling apart between them.

A finger here, an ear there…even the aforementioned nose.

For the rest of the story, or to just kill a couple of more minutes while you're waiting to see your doctor, please Click Here....

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