Jul 29, 2014
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Porcine Towel Sculpture Disappears

Porcine Towel Sculpture Disappears

A New Canaan woman is in mourning today following the mysterious disappearance of her towel sculpture of a pig. The pig, as yet unnamed, was last seen on the entrance desk to 360 Fitness (under the tennis bubble on Grove Street) yesterday. Although police have not yet been notified, since after all it was a towel, not a person, there is rampant speculation that the pig was kidnapped - or possibly - unfolded.

"I am really trying to keep it together, " says Keagan Gros, Facilities Manager at 360 Fitness, who created the porcine towel sculpture last week. "He was really more than a hobby, he was a companion, that I already miss terribly. We had plans to watch the Super Bowl together."

"I was shocked when I walked in and saw only counter where the pig had been. He had brought such joy and fulfillment to my daily workouts," says George Simpson, a long-time member of the fitness club. "It was kind of like walking in the Louvre and discovering the Mona Lisa missing...well, not really..perhaps more like going to the Met in New York only to be told that Auguste Rodin's Walking Man had disappeared. No, that kind of overstates it too. Let's just say that of all of Keagan's towel creations it was one of the best."

No reward has been offered for the return of the pig, since after all it was a towel. Ms Gros did issue a statement to the surrounding community that if they locate the pig, do not try to feed it (since it is a towel)  or try to chase it (since it can't run anyway) but rather to wash it with other whites on a gentle cycle and place in the nearest linen closet.

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