I was listening to National Public Radio Monday afternoon when they aired the story of Noah Pozner, the youngest victim in the Sandy Hook shooting. Noah was a twin and the story highlighted how he and his twin sister were inseparable and detailed his personality as inquisitive and spirited.
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At the end of the story, the reporter said that the family of Noah said they chose to open the services to the public. They felt that would help the community and the family to heal. Additionally, Rabbi Shaul Praver, who officiated Monday's service, said Noah's mom wanted to share his story. They wanted people to know about him; they wanted people to remember him.
"They wanted to scream it from the rooftops: 'My little boy, you know, he was a beautiful boy. And I want to tell you all about it,' " Praver says in the NPR story, referring to the family's choice. " 'I want you to see what he looks like and be part of our grief, because everyone that shares, maybe helps carry it a little bit.'"
It is stories like this one that make me stand so strongly on my soapbox. The role of the media is to tell the story. We should do so respectfully and with grace and compassion. If a grieving family does not want to talk, we should kindly wish our condolences and quietly walk away.
But when a family wants the world to know about their loved one, when they are desperately seeking for someone to tell the story, that is our job. It is what we do.
Long ago I came to terms with telling the terrible stories. And it was a column in the Chicago Tribune that I still have that got me there. It said (I am paraphrasing) that we take a story that would tell the public of the death of a nameless, faceless human being and make it a story about a person with a name and a face and family. It’s not enough to just stand witness to the tragedy. I have to try my best to tell the stories that need to be told from the people who want them to be told.
I've grown weary reading all the criticisms on social media about what the news reporters are or are not doing. First, the public took them to task because they were reporting the name of the shooter. That in doing so, the media is making him famous and somehow that makes the media responsible for the deaths of 26 people. But, then, when reporters dug into the stories of the people who lost their lives, we were criticized as heartless. I saw more than one person say that we should pack up our trucks and leave Newtown so that the people can mourn in peace.
People mourn in different ways. And, certainly, if someone wants peace and quiet, they should be entitled to it. But there has to be someone on hand to tell the stories of the people of that town to the others in the world. Especially if it will help them to heal.
I cannot say for sure how I would react. I am the mom to two wonderful, vivacious little boys. I hope I never have to find out how I would react. Maybe I would tell the reporters to get the (insert expletive) out of my face. Or, maybe I would be the first one in line telling the rest of the world what wonderful children I have so they can understand what a tragedy it would be if they were gone.
Stories about tragedy have to be shared. It was like that with the Holocaust. It was like that with 9-11, it is like that with every school shooting and public killing to which we bear witness.
We should be talking about the people who are mourning. We should be praying (or meditating or sending good energy and love, whatever your traditions says) for the families and the town and the country. We should talk about gun control in a constructive way and debate whether it would have made a difference. And we definitely should talk about what we can do as a country to take away the stigma of mental health care and talk about how we can help those who desperately need it.
There is one thing we absolutely cannot do. We cannot stand silent and watch a tragedy unfold. We cannot bear witness and not allow it to affect us. We cannot stand idly by while others have lost their precious children or mothers or fathers. Hug your kids tighter. Fight for better solutions. Ask the questions that need to be asked. Do something.