20 Aug 2014
57° Clear
Patch Instagram photo by vampiregirl35

Tales of a Tireless Mom: The Sideline Sports Survival Kit

A million dollar business born from the minds of cold and tired parents.

Tales of a Tireless Mom: The Sideline Sports Survival Kit

 

As any parent of an athlete knows, you spend a good portion of your free time on nights and weekends sitting by the side of a field. For the die-hard fan, it’s an opportunity to watch a lot of sports. For the proud parent, they may delight in seeing their child learn the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

For the cold and tired mom, however, she’ll clap to keep warm while sucking down vitamins and hot tea. We’ve all been there.

As I shivered on the side of the f-f-f-FREEZING cold soccer field last night, begging Quinn to please sit on my lap to keep my legs warm (don’t judge…I’m not proud, just always cold), a few of the parents and I came up with what we believe to be a million dollar business.

Take note, High School Booster Organizations, as this program will make those magazine drive and coffee cake sales contests a thing of the past. If they say that necessity is the Mother of Invention, then a cold Mother may be the next Albert Einstein. Behold:

“The Sideline Sports Survival Package.”

When you sign your child up for a sports team, right after you enter his/her uniform size and your credit card information, you’re given the option to upgrade to the Sideline Sports Survival Package. For a small fee, you’ll be able to “check in” during warm ups to receive your kit for that game. Each sport will have their own kit that is tailor-made to the needs of the exhausted/hot/ cold/hungry parent while they watch their child play. For example:

FALL SOCCER

Upon arrival at the field when the temperature starts to plummet, parents in the program are given the following: a heated robe, comfortable chair, hot chocolate or coffee and for a small upgrade fee, babysitting services for bored and unruly siblings.

BASKETBALL

Services inside the gymnasium would include soft pillows to make sitting on the wooden bleachers less painful (as if our gray hair wasn’t reminder enough that we’re not in High School anymore), 10-minute express manicures, a Dad’s section that includes split screen TVs to show their child’s basketball alongside the Patriots game that they are missing, and of course, the aforementioned babysitting services.

SUMMER BASEBALL

As there is much travel (and time) involved in this and families are constantly being reminded that they are at a dusty field and not at the beach, this is a Platinum package.

Parents in this club receive seating under the air-conditioned tent with views of the field, a raw bar serving fresh seafood, full dinner services for siblings dragged to yet another of their brother’s 6:00 pm game, full inning massages for the mother of whoever is pitching at that time (it’s really stressful for her) and yes, those worth-their-weight-in-gold babysitting services.

Just think of the possibilities here: hockey, gymnastics, swimming…all of these experiences could be made a little more palatable for all spectators! Like a comfort time-share, you own the kit for that game and then turn it back in. I know I’d pay top dollar.

While I love watching the kids’ games, what’s wrong with loving them MORE while being warm and sipping some hot chocolate? I’m just saying…

Share This Article