22 Aug 2014
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Hardman: Hey Santa, I believe in You

Columnist still believes in Santa Claus despite no big screen TV.

Hardman: Hey Santa, I believe in You

Dear Santa,

How have you been? I hope this letter finds both you and Mrs. Claus in good health.

I've been meaning to write you my list for this year, but I've been kinda of busy with this Patch thing.

Anyway, for the last 20 years or so, I've asked for a big-screen TV, and I'm still waiting.

I know I haven't always been good. Just the other day, a nice police officer pulled me over because I forgot to put my registration sticker on my license plate. It was due in July. Procrastination is a problem.

I'm not exactly neat around the house. I have this bad habit of making a mess in the kitchen when I cook breakfast. I know my wife has spoken to you about this on more than one occasion. In fact, I think it has been one of her Christmas wishes.

I really don't mean to hassle you about the TV. If there isn't a 40-inch HDTV under the tree this year, I will understand.

The other night, I saw the movie "Elf" where you had a big book with everyone's name listed in it in pen.  That's so old school, Santa.

I know you have a good deal going with your workforce of elves, but that must be a huge pain in the neck to use an old book. I figured by now you would have everything on a computer somewhere. If you've hit a SNAFU there, let me know. I know some good IT guys who can help you out.

Anyway, before I saw the book, I figured my name was eliminated by some computer virus.

That's OK.

No matter what some people say, I know you are real.

When I was 7, I left out some milk and cookies for you, and some carrots for the reindeer. After that, you wrote me this nice letter saying that you couldn't drink milk and would prefer a scotch on the rocks.

You know, my dad didn't even yell at me when I went into the liquor cabinet to get you a drink.

Frankly, that surprised me.

After parts on my bicycle were missing and my musket gun didn't have a trigger, you wrote me another letter asking me to not ask for anything that had to be assembled.

In fact, I was mad at you only once. When I was 9, you left me math flash cards. I hate math. Later, I found out my big sister was behind that and she wanted you to take the fall. If you want, I can send you her name and address for a coal delivery this year. I'll even buy the coal.

You have answered my wish list a lot over the years. If you had anything do with my stereo when I was 15, a big thanks there. I also enjoyed the table hockey game and my Nintendo video system.

For some reason, we just have a problem with this TV thing. I'm guessing my wife's letter asking you not to do it weighs more than mine. She's a huge Christmas person, starts listening to Christmas music in November and always makes sure she gives to others.

She also thinks I watch way too much TV.

If that's the reason for no TV, that's OK with me. I'm pretty lucky in the life department, so you can help others and skip my house this year.

I will still believe in you.

All the best, Michael

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