Jul 28, 2014
65°
Mostly Cloudy

Patch Guide, July 4 Edition: Patriotic Paraphernalia

In honor of July 4, the Patch staff went out to find the most delightful, most wacky patriot garb to be had in Burnsville. Here's where to shop until you're red, white and blue in the face.

One must marvel at the innovative American character. From the Hoover Dam, to the Pet Rock to the personal computer revolution, we've always got flair for the bold, the beautiful and at times, the downright weird. And the entrepreneurial spirit is never more on its game than during July 4—when our nation's flag gets the full, free market treatment.

So this week, we set out to find the best examples of patriotic garb in Burnsville, from the crassly commercial (see Songebob Patrioticpants underwear in photo gallery) to the resplendent. We were searching for something that would put Katy Perry's sequin-studded American flag onesie to shame.

Our first stop was Unique Thrift Store, which had some modestly-priced patriot gear, but only if you had ample time to look. I get the feeling that they're stockpiling their July 4 stuff until the right time, but if you browse you can still find American-themed pillowcases, hankies, T-shirts and of course, the boxers I mentioned above.

Next up was the . There were a few tasteful items at (too understated for my tastes), and a couple bedazzled shirts at Dress Barn, but we hit the motherload at , which has a plethora of patriotic goods this year. Need an umbrella in red, white and blue? It's there. Want to paste the flag onto your body? Got a few bikini sets that are calling your name. Old Navy even has a series of outsized, patriotic bow ties that would do Pee-wee Herman proud.

If you're in the market for just a straight up flag, no funny business, head over to Alamo Flag, one of the newest additions to the mall. The store, which sells all things flag-related opened up just three months ago, a transplant from Mall of America.

That's what we have—so far. The search is still on, dear readers, and we'd like you to help. If you see some red, white, and blue marvel while you're out, snap a photo on your phone and upload it to this article. Together, we can find the blinking, LED-studded American flag memorabilia of our dreams.

Photo Gallery

Don’t miss updates from Patch!