22 Aug 2014
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Knife vs. Hammer, Yucky Hair vs. Cop

Also, horses develop teleportation skills.

Knife vs. Hammer, Yucky Hair vs. Cop

It's not like you can really out-OMG a major snowstorm before Halloween.

And yet, those alleged to be among New Jersey's criminal element really did try this past week.

Rock Beats Scissor, Knife Beats Hammer: Bloomfield police say a man brandishing a hammer . When an employee grabbed a nearby knife, the man fled out of the restaurant empty-handed, police said. Did he not know they have knives at restaurants? Next week, he'll try to rob the gun shop with a spitball and a straw.

When They Say Everything On It ... P hilly.com reports an Evesham policeman is suing a deli—because the cook admitted putting hair on his bagel sandwich as payback for a previous run-in with the officer. Police found the cook's own DNA on the hair, according to the report. It's not exactly what the crime lab probably expected to spend its day on, but ... yuck.

Doesn't Know the Meaning of Lay Low: If you were accused of stealing half a million dollars worth of valuables from area homes, what would you do? If your answer is "break into another home," well, then you, too, can be a candidate for our OMGs from NJ PDs column. . They caught him after a chase across the Ocean County Mall parking lot.

Have Heroin, Will Travel: We're not suggesting you drive around with heroin in your car. But we are suggesting that if you do drive around with heroin in your car, you also consider bringing along some gas. NJ.com reports that's how police caught one man who allegedly had a glassine bag of the stuff, when they found his car abandoned on Route 206 in Andover Township.

Of Course, of Course:  NJ.com also reports a horse mysteriously materialized in Monroe this week. Those were their words: "mysteriously materialized." First of all, horses can't do that. They can neigh, they can run, they can trot ... but they can't materialize. Unless ... it's a horse from the future. A horse from the future could do that. We're strongly suggesting the Monroe PD study a healthy helping of bad sci-fi before working further on this case.

About this column: "OMGs from NJ PDs" reviews the surprising, stunning and occasionally silly police-related incidents reported by New Jersey Patch sites over the last week.

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