Hoops, Hurdles and Hopes: Obstacles and Opportunities for Young Women in Our Community

By Janet O’Connell

On Tuesday, October 21st, the Larchmont-Mamaroneck Summit gathered at the Nautilus Diner for a lively discussion on obstacles and opportunities facing young women in our community. The program arose from the community-wide “One-Read” Program, of the book I Am Malala.

Titled “Hoops, Hurdles and Hopes,” the presentation opened with Zoe Colon, Executive Director of the Hispanic Resource Center, who described many of the hoops that young Hispanic woman must go through to successfully navigate living in a bicultural world. Helene Fremder, a social worker at the Mamaroneck High School, and the founder of the High School’s wellness center, the Tiger’s Den, spoke next about the hurdles that teenaged women of all races and ethnicities must overcome during their high school years and what Fremder and her colleagues are doing about it. Nicole Sheindlin, founder and Executive Director of the Her Honor Mentoring Program finished the program on a more hopeful note by describing the program that she and her mother “Judge Judy” Sheindlin began eight years ago,

Ms. Colon enumerated the issues facing young Latina women. These include:

· The issue of immigration, how did they arrive in this country? With or without documentation? And did they come willingly or unwillingly?

· Housing

· Institutional racism

· Being bicultural and living in two worlds

· Language and speaking with an accent

· Not “looking the part”

· How Hispanics are portrayed in the media: Are they portrayed as a “hot tamale?” or as a domestic worker? A nanny?

· Underrepresentation of Latinas in positions of leadership, in politics and in companies, even in non-profits

· The issue of class, not just racism

· Cultural issues

· Strong of emphasis on religion: including self-sacrifice, early marriage and abstinence, reproductive health choices

· Domestic violence

HURDLES: Helene Fremder noted that teenagers deal with many issues, including drugs and alcohol, depression, anxiety and eating disorders. She said these hurdles do not discriminate between races, ethnicities or classes. Then she added, that another hurdle is poor supervision at home.

Interestingly, it takes about 27-28 years for a woman’s self-esteem to kick in. So girls struggle with self-esteem throughout their school years. “When women’s self-esteem kicks in they feel good about themselves, but women struggle developmentally in high school because of lack of self-confidence. By contrast male self-esteem develops more quickly--by age 18. So self-esteem really impacts the way woman see themselves.” Fremder noted that there is often a genetic component to the way young women feel about themselves, which can lead to anxiety, depression and eating disorders.

To build self-esteem at the high school, Fremder and her colleagues have created a Dialectic Behavior Therapy program (DBT) which teaches skills for kids who are having problems with stress and self-image, and thanks to RADAR, they opened a wellness center called the Tiger’s Den. The Tiger’s Den helps students relax and feel good about themselves through such skills and activities as Zumba, yoga, mindfulness, poetry, and playing the ukulele. It is a place where students can work on different techniques to be in the moment, make better decisions and communicate better.

Fremder encourages young women to spend more time with their families and the community. Working at a job and having money can make a young woman feel better about herself. Fremder also works on getting kids outside help if they need it, and she works with youth officers when necessary. “The more community contacts we make, the better our young ladies will feel about themselves and better equip them to overcome hurdles.”

HOPES: Larchmont resident, attorney Nicole Sheindlin is a partner in the Law firm of Mentzer and Sheindlin. Eight years ago, in an effort to encourage and support young women in our community, Nicole and her mother “Judge Judy” Sheindlin launched the Her Honor Mentoring Program. They chose Mamaroneck High School as the pilot school for their program and recruited local professional women to serve as mentors. This year, the program is in seven Westchester schools and works with 51 young women, 17 of whom are at MHS. Ms. Sheindlin continues to be the Executive Director of the Her Honor Mentoring Program.

Ms. Sheindlin told about the time she was in court with a 16-year-old man who was being arraigned. He was not attending school, and this was his third arrest. When the judge asked who was there to support this young man, three different young women raised their hands and said they were his girlfriend. Ms. Sheindlin asked herself, “What is wrong with these women? They know about each other and the man’s criminal background. Why would they make that choice?”

Soon after moving to Larchmont, she decided to start this program with her mother, because Larchmont/Mamaroneck had a need for supporting young women and also had the resources to help them. The program assigns seniors in high school to a mentor. The girls spend four hours a week at the mentor’s work place where they have a job. They have a place to go each week, and they have the opportunity to earn up to $2,500 a year for participating in the program. The girls get the opportunity to be aligned with women who provide practical experience.

Sheindlin said that to give young women hope, it is important to show them what success looks like and to provide positive role models. The program gives these young women a financial opportunity and also an opportunity to envision what it could be like for them: “that hopefully they too can be part of this world. This world is accessible—a world where they can feel good about themselves, physically and emotionally, and also be able to contribute to the world. We try to empower women, but there is still a lot of work to do. It’s important to talk about the Malala book, but we don’t have to go far away. We can start right here.”

This breakfast forum was hosted by The Larchmont/Mamaroneck Local Summit, an informal community council that seeks to make life better for all in the tri-municipal area. Its monthly public meetings are usually held at the Nautilus Diner in Mamaroneck at 7:45 a.m. on the third Tuesday of the month. The next breakfast meeting will take place on Tuesday, November 18.