Author Mark Osteen Talks about Raising a Child with Autism

When he was about 2 ½ years old, Mark Osteen’s son Cameron began to lose his language abilities and exhibit other behaviors that led his parents to realize that he had autism.

Osteen’s book, One of Us: A Family’s Life with Autism, is the author’s memoir about the experience of raising his son, who is now 21.  The book is not about a child who overcomes autism, but instead chronicles the triumph of love over adversity.

In a presentation at the Rust Library on Saturday afternoon, Osteen read from his book, shared some observations and advice about raising a child with autism, and answered questions from attendees, many of whom also had a family member with autism.

A professor of English at Loyola University, Osteen said that he had read other books about autism – including books about savants and what he referred to as Jenny McCarthy’s “cure” book – and found that they did not really reflect his reality.

“I wanted to write about things families experience that no one talks about,” he said.  “I felt it my duty to be as honest as I could, just so people would know what it’s like to go through this.”

Osteen emphasized the importance of learning more about autism.  “It’s always good to educate yourself. Don’t just go with what’s on the Internet,” he advised. “There are people out there who are preying on desperate parents.  Talk to reputable people.”

He encouraged parents to listen to their autistic children, even those who are nonverbal, to try to figure out what is going on inside their minds.  To illustrate this point, he read an excerpt from his book that described his unsuccessful efforts to get Cameron to play baseball.  Eventually Cameron communicated through his actions, rather than words, that this just wasn’t something he wanted to do.

Osteen also discussed the anger and guilt experienced by many parents of children with autism, and said that it is tempting to blame oneself and others for the situation.  “Blame can be addictive, because it gives the illusion of control.”

He said that it is important to talk to experts about autism, to family members, and to other parents of autistic children.  It is also important to accept the child's autism and let them be somebody, not necessarily who you want them to be, he said.

Osteen’s presentation was one of a series of programs sponsored by Loudoun County Public Library as part of Mental Health Awareness Month, to provide information and inspiration and to encourage open dialogue.

In the next event in the series, Loudoun residents will explain the challenges and dark days of mental illness and describe their paths toward recovery.  The program
will be held at the Rust Library at 7:00 p.m. on Thursday, May 26, in partnership with Friends of Loudoun Mental Health.