Patch Blog: Country Gal/City Woman--Senior Citizens and the Facts of Life!

The three grown-up kids who have been part and parcel of the years (15) of my being a widow will be the first to tell you, on the matter of which I will be blogging, “You don’t have a clue, Mom!” And….”Mom, we need to have that talk!”

This subject matter is hardly “scoop” material in this accepted “tell-all” day and age, but it can be one of importance to those of you young “baby boomers” who are well on your way to the coveted Golden Senior status and have lingering questions about “sensitivities of the Senior Citizen.” 

Now, most Blogs are written after a lengthy time of research or having an earlier experience worthy of sharing with the hundred unknowns who click routinely on arcadia.patch.com. Neither of these two are working for me right now. So my kids are right. I don’t have a clue! And what I might have learned when we had these “intimate talks” as time permitted, I’ve forgotten in my dotage. 

So…being an observant type of person since my Highchair Days has given me an advantaged  view into the lives of a number of Golden Seniors who have managed to reach this status of widowhood with or without the comfort level provided by a “companion.” (That is the preferred designation employed by the growing number of widows I now find myself amongst.)

Often times around the well-appointed luncheon table at Peppers’ or Chili’s or B.J.’s, the subject matter of “finding love/romance the second (or third) time around and would we want to?” turned into moments when other diners would swivel in their chairs to stare at the gaggle of grown-ups “losing it!” 

Any composure we may have regained went right out the window, again, when I mentioned that “I certainly expected ‘Fireworks’ even in December before entertaining any thought of adding a “companion” to my Family or Facebook Friends List. Another wise-body added that “I don’t want to be a nurse or a purse!” The fifteen or so of us so-called “Merry Widows” pretty much all agreed to that.  “Share and Tell” was the order of the day, and I learned a thing or two about “Adult Education” and “what makes the “world go ‘round!” At least for purposes of this Blog. So went the conversation that saw us giggling as we paid our bill on the way out the door, much to the relief of the management.

There are, indeed, social trials to be faced as the years advance but not insurmountable ones as some of us would soon find out.

The Optimists amongst the ever-growing-older Senior population will generally look at the “possibilities of ‘Fireworks’ no matter the month” while the Realists will stick to the “breakfast-lunch-and-dinner” menu as they each live out their years;  again…not an indictment just an opinion based on observation and not a Poll. And then there are “us” who are a little bit of each. 

Each Category can be fraughtful, if that is, indeed, a word. For instance….

As a group, we agreed that on the first date with said “companion,” it would probably be best if each paid for their own dinner, movie ticket, popcorn and Milk Duds. Keep it simple, keep it neat and keep it understood! A handshake or a quick hug should suffice at the front door. And, of course, “drive carefully” as you exchange those pleasantries should kindly and gently put an end to any kind of anticipatory hypothetical question.

As important as the question “What’s your bowling handicap?" is the question of who is the safer driver during the twilight and evening hours. That would, of course, depend on what the DMV carefully stamps on the Driver’s License…it was the Merry Widows’ opinion that, regardless of who drives, Early Bird meals are not only great bargains but the early hour will get each home in time for Jeopardy and the now-wearing-underwear and handsome Alex Trebek. And, yes, to accept gas money for these short around-town trips is “tacky”… so don’t! Those Brownie Points come in handy later on...

Now about “holding hands!”…by all means do so. Not only does holding hands indicate to possible competition that “love is in the air,” it also helps
steady both bodies when strolling through the , (feed the ducks!) the Huntington Museum, and up the steps in the darkened movie palace. This safety measure will add another year or two to your lives and assure the unbroken continuation of future Social Security checks barring, of course, unwelcome meddling in Congress.  

My personal recommendation to either group would be to purchase a good pair of walking shoes and plan on doing a lot of strolling around for the exercise, retelling of childhood memories which is an excellent way of getting to know the “real McCoy-companion" of your choice.  

One of the most invigorating conversations I have had recently was the exchange of “My family was so poor during the Depression Years that…” that went on for a time. Of course, this was a telephone conversation with a married classmate in Kansas whose wife joined in on the other telephone, but soul-satisfying nevertheless. Laughing with another or at one’s self is a worthwhile exercise in and of itself, especially if you can “best” your adversary. It's an enriching experience on all levels to know that 1) you can remember that far back, 2) your High School Class President is your buddy and 3) so's his wife!

Clean shirt collars are a "must" for the gents and for the ladies, a splash of Bath and Body’s Warm Vanilla Sugar will add appeal to any occasion. Either application shows you “care.”

Sometimes one will be thwarted. Once, while at the South Arcadia Ralphs, the item I wanted was on the top shelf and out of my reach. I probably will find it in my heart, one day, to forgive the eager Ralphs clerk who noticed my distress
and fetched the Wagon Train Chicken Strips package for me as I was about to ask
a kindly looking gentlemen for his help. It really is a matter of “timing” isn’t it?  

In the meantime, it’s great fun “nurturing” the Golden Seniors who gather daily at the Live Oak Park to enjoy a noon lunch (Asian or American) to watch them socially intermingle over a tempting plate deliciously prepared just for them. I’ve been told that several friendships have developed since February of this year, so good table manners would seem to be as much a prerequisite now as when first learning how to use the basic knife, fork and spoon. This action can also be found at the nearby and Sierra Madre Senior Centers.

Now that I’ve plotted out the “road map” for all you wanna-be Golden Seniors, I also must share with you something that has been “ticking me off” since 1944…

That was the year Russ Morgan and a couple of other songwriters came up with the song “You’re Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You!” Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Michael Duble and a myriad of other singers have recorded those words since then.

To my way of thinking,  the three fellas have got it SO WRONG! Yes, the tune is melodious, the singers deliver the lyrics in a clear and concise manner, it is as popular today with the Seniors as it was back in 1944 when we were all young and giddy, but think about it!  

Much of the time we don’t/can’t assume to know who cares “a fig” about us in a “fanciful” way, most of us “singles” being even-more oblivious to those once-familiar signals some “knight in shining armor” might be sending up at the local grocery store OR our simply not willing to take a “chance on love” for a variety of reasons. Seniors do not necessarily get wiser in affairs of the heart as they total up  their calendar years. My dear sister Trudy often jokingly remarked, “There is no fool like an old fool!” About, of all people, my dear brother, Dutch, who, for my money, was popular with the ladies and the ideal companion!

So, I would change those lyrics just a tad to say what I feel Russ and the boys meant to say…in the first place…in a less-confusing way, “You’re nobody till somebody loves you. So find yourself somebody to love.” What if it is not a reciprocal kind of love? That could be a real problem, right? Back to Square One and being a “Nobody!” Isn’t that just so Neanderthal?

To my own small-town way of thinking, the people that I meet along my way, the whole of life that I love is what makes me “Somebody." But I will agree with those words that say: “You may be king. You may possess the world and its gold. But gold won’t bring you happiness when you’re growing old.” Go ahead, sing along with me…

It may well be that Blogging will be my “companion” of sorts in these “sunset years”: that will be just "fine and dandy" with me as there is no doubt about it….I do LOVE Blogging! And if these words encourage just one Senior Citizen to reach out and touch "somebody"...well, guess what that makes me? A former "Nobody!"

CG/CW