Patch Blog: Confused But Not Dazed

So it takes a big man to admit he’s confused but I threw away the steroids as soon as I saw Barry Bonds’ head. Last thing I need to do is expand this size 8 melon.

Still, even after consulting South Pas hypnotherapist to-the-stars Ted Moreno, I still have my issues.

I mean, with friends and colleagues who blame Obamacare for everything from dry, itchy skin to crummy Angels’ baseball, who needs enemies? Throw in my golf swing, driving through Alhambra, and a few patients who actually believe the bruins still play football and even a trip to my Inner Mr. Miyagi doesn’t quite clear things up.

But my major confusion issue remains the Sleepy Hollow of redevelopment aka Temple City. I thought talkin’ about it last week would help but this morning I got up early and wound up just driving around in circles looking for huge piles of dirt and no retail in other nearby cities. With total due respect to Ted, Mr. Miyagi, and my bruin friends who really know the meaning of “confused,” I had to call in some bigger guns.

So for the good of Temple City, my Facebook friends at “You Know you’re from Old School Temple City when…”, but mostly for me, I called upon my good buddy His Holiness, the Dalai Lama (It’s appropriate for westerners to say His Holiness…unless they’re Trojans in which case the Dalai Lama prefers HH.)

His Holiness and I occasionally meet right across the street at El Pollo Loco. La Polla Loca, one of the joint’s oldest employees, has asked us about senior discounts for about the last 15 years and it’s really cool when we harmonize “Screw you!” in response (And that’s probably why we’re still just HH and JVB chewing the chicken fat; flavored soy for HH.)

“Welcome to Temple City HH; it is such an honor again hosting someone so profound of thought and so purely honest. And what a profoundly pure change of pace it is from hangin’ out with local developers and members of our City Council.”

“Dr. Jack, it is my pleasure returning to your peaceful little hamlet. Life here must be very harmonious judging by the great numbers of bridal shops and the incredible lack of change.”

“You are very perceptive His Holiness.”

“JVB, it’s HH to you. Do you not see my cap and gown?”

“Sorry HH, I guess I’ll never get over exclaiming “Fight on!” to the freakin’ Dalai Lama.”

“Ahhh Dr. V, I’m seeing an uncharacteristic lack of confidence and harmony in your words and posture. Are you not still the foremost elite athlete/scribe/DDS in the San Gabriel Valley?”

“”HH, I gotta tell ya, I’m a little concerned about Dr. Maria right next door in Arcadia; she’s gonna come over and give my whole office a Yoga lesson tomorrow and she’s a great dentist and very attractive but thankfully went to UCLA and therefore cannot write.”

“JVB, I’m now concerned as well. Your attitude would seem to be driven by competition and scarcity. It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.”

“Thank you His Holiness. I guess I just can’t let go of USC-50, UCLA-0.”

“JVB, what is it about “HH” that you cannot grasp?”

“Sorry HH, I guess our peaceful, unchanging, stagnant, once beautiful, and now leaderless community with many vacant store fronts but without even a stinkin’ theater has thrown me a little off balance. Can you perhaps offer some valuable guidance for our humble community?”

“Dr. V, old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful (new) day.”

“HH, you’re saying vote the underachieving, visionless, tired ole suckers out, aren’t you?”

“Yes JVB, you are now the perceptive one.

“HH, one last question: as a symbol of wisdom, fairness, and forgiveness, would you ever consider pondering the innermost thoughts of Piazza, Pizzeria, Pizzetta, or whatever developer Randy Wang?”

“Dearest JVB, with all due respect, there is only one response to your question that I may share. And please excuse me if I answer your question with a question. My question is: ARE YOU FREAKIN” SERIOUS??? Bite me Molar Jockey! Oh…and…Fight on!”