Health & Fitness
The Last Post (Before the World Ends May 21st)
Just in case Judgment Day really is tomorrow, here is some advice I leave to my would be daughter.
Apparently the world is going to end tomorrow from the Judgment Day/Zombie Apocalypse so I will be brief. This will be my last Patch post to the Internet universes.
It was a short but fun-filled experience to be a part of a small patch of the universe (no pun). Even though I’m not exactly sure how someone would propose to proclaim the end of the world, especially based on a text that says, “no one knows the day or the hour...” But whatever. I’ve stocked our place with food, changed my email password, and done all the laundry. Whether it be zombies or Judgment Day, at least the house and my emails will be intact!
In the fashion of Randy Pausch, the Professor famous for his recording and writing of “The Last Lecture” this will be “The Last Post." This is specifically geared toward my would-be born daughter had she been able to be born even though she’s not yet born…okay!
- When you go on a first date, even if you know the guy, always take at least $20 cash in case he’s cheap and you need to split the bill or get a cab home if he’s rude.
- For job interviews, always make sure you wear lipstick. It matters and it’ll make you feel mostly put together!
- Speaking of lips. Don’t kiss anyone until you’re at least 18.
- Trader Joe’s bags can double for suitcases, beach bags, moving boxes, filing cabinets, planters, book bag and shoe bags.
- Maintain friendships with at least one mechanic and one tax accountant at all times and in every stage of your life.
- Be sure to shop on Black Friday before 4am at least once. Some of those deals are just so worth it!
- Don’t drive somewhere if it is within a five minute walk.
- Baby powder is great supplement to washing your hair if you’re short on time.
- Go see a movie by yourself sometime; preferably during the week when the theater might even be empty.
- Avoid getting fat. It is much easier to keep it off than to regretfully take it off.
And that's the way it is. Goodbye cruel world! That is unless we’re all still here on Sunday...