Some Cheese With Your Whine?

So, when I was a kid I was super well-behaved (if we can forget about that first haircut). Almost from birth, my worst fear was disappointing my parents. And I just wish Mom and Dad could’ve passed a little more “guilt” DNA along to yours truly; it’s a skill not in my toolbox and I could use it virtually every day.

My two earliest and most lasting memories are (1) breaking my arm doing a tricycle wheelie and (2) my mom asking me to be a good little boy “because Dad got laid-off today.” I was three years old.

But, early on I saw Eddie Haskell as a mentor and I found inspiration in tormenting little cousin Starlet (with a name like that, how could I resist?) Can’t believe Eddie turned out being a cop and Starlet finally did find a way to scarf down those green beans and broccoli.

I made being “Teacher’s Pet” a written down goal and by the time I was thirteen, I was convinced I knew everything. Way before I ever had a bruin friend and probably about the time my brother bought me my first Trojan gear, I knew obnoxious when I saw it. And deep down, I knew annoying was a gift…and I had it.

But, I guess what goes around does indeed come around. And who knew Aunt Karma had such a lengthy memory?

After decades of doing good deeds as a penance for my early obnoxious years it seems like, now, the most annoying people in the world are…everywhere.

Here are a mere few:

The dental equipment guy who said of our expansion; “You could be up and running by Thanksgiving!” is still screwing up things as I mail my tax returns.

People (like our wiring guy) who show up unannounced, interrupt my work by first bringing me up on surfing (for 20-minutes), always take a call before I can get a word in, always start the job precisely where I’m seated, then screw up the project, offering a refund of less than 30% (Did I rob a freakin’ bank when I was a kid? Was the tricycle my getaway ride?)

Spin cycling instructors who coast (are they paid by the word?)

3AM Tweeters (nothing smart happens at that hour.).

The wiring guy (again).

The foursome in front of us. Any foursome in front of us.

Matching husband/wife cycling monkey suits…indoors Saturday mornings (I don't know why.)

Kale. Frisee. And other assorted weeds on a plate.

IPA (May I have the red grapefruit IPA? Ugh.)

Any woman with a ring through her nose (Middle and/or either or both sides.)

Patients with pierced tongues who have dental anxiety.

Levar Ball, the Clippers, and Delta Dental.

The color, Orange (An exception: The San Francisco Giants).

Rug rats on the driving range (Quiet pleeease.)

The knuckleheads who get caught on Ryan’s Roses…taking stupid to the next level?

Michael Bolton, Chihuahuas, the wiring guy, Jimmy from Zyppah, and termites (not necessarily in that order.)

So there, I’ve left all things annoying in the past and I’m looking at a clean slate and a future of possibility. I’ll be the author of my own life story, unimpeded by the likes of…little Chris Paul? Nutty in his old age Alan Dershowitz? Mumbles McConaughey? The loser who replaced the Most Interesting Man in the World? And…Marvel comic book movies (producers breeding ‘em like rats)?

Oy vey, it’s gonna be a process.

But…I’ve always got my stellar team at the office, Invisalign rep Ashik, Invisalign guru Galler (the “Wolf” of Invisalign), U.S. Banker Joel, and the most interesting and best contractor in the world, Jason (Precise Building Maintenance.)

So, I guess it still looks like a beautiful day for Restorative Dentistry.