YES OR YES???

So I’ve exercised consistently since I was about 8-years old. My dad got me going with baseball and I’ve loved the movement, the challenge, and the competition ever since. My parents gave me all kinds of gifts and their love stands at the very top…but I’ve always been really grateful that they encouraged me to be physically active.

When I was 28, I saw my dad have a heart attack and die in our living room; I’d just opened my own dental practice 3-months earlier. If I liked cardio before, I got religion after that March 6 Saturday night.

Used to play full court basketball (this always makes Office Manager Dani laugh…an improvement, she used to scowl) for about ten years after The Miracle on 34th street and my escape from USC dental school. Later, I was playing tennis 4-5 times per week and then, about 25-years ago…I started going to the gym.

And yeah, there were multiple reasons why I liked doing all of the cardio stuff. For one thing, 90% of each class was comprised of the ladies, many of whom I found super-attractive. So why not jump around to Disco, leap over low-standing platforms to occasional Rock ‘n Roll, and keep pedalin’ to Hip Hop, Rap, the occasional Rock, and ugh, Techno?

I said goodbye to step about the same time I strained my left Achilles playing tennis. A physical therapist surmised my injury was typical “…for someone my age.” I gave the PT a one-finger salute (only in my mind) and started imagining what my Achilles would sound like as it snapped like a rubber band while I propelled myself off the side of one of those step class risers.

710-KSPN’s resident orthopedic surgeon Dr. Klapper recommends swimming and cycling for those of us over 40 years of age (and I barely qualify…if we’re talkin’ dog years.) If I swim, I’ll be dead in about 4-minutes. If I ride a bike outdoors’, I risk getting hit by a bus. So forgetting that some of the most attractive, athletic, health conscious women I know take spin class; I really had no choice.

And I really hate to sound Old School because from there, it’s really just a short hop, skip, and a jump to being the oldest guy in the club…but these days, most of the time, going to spin class just flat out makes me cranky.

Used to be, most of the instructors were women. And we all know women are not only more intelligent but these days, they make 85% of family health decisions. And I really liked the decisions the aforementioned women made when they taught. Somehow, women knew riding a bike to music in a roomful of mirrors was totally unrelated to removing an injured spleen…instruction was minimal. The Old School instructors also knew leading by example and demonstrating the proper pace was really their main job. Being funny and playing good music was a bonus, often achieved.

I worry about guys who talk too much and walk around half the time while teaching a cycling class. And I too like the sound of my own voice but I guess, no matter what Office Manager Dani says, I really am a multi-tasker; I can pedal, make hand gestures, roll my eyes back (one guy actually does this at 7:freakin’ 30 AM) and talk, all at the same time.

And please, 2015 male spin instructors, stop being Reverend Ike; I don’t need your inspiring speeches; please just let me listen to the music (some of which I inevitably enjoy) while you try to keep from falling off the bike while exhibiting some measure of rhythm. Some do, and some don’t teach; they just walk around annoying people.

85% of communication is non-verbal. For starters, can you guys please try for 90%?

To quote someone who could probably design really easy midterms but probably not spin at the same time, let’s hear it: “YES OR YES???”