Old Yeller: Are you being hollered at, or hollered to?

Here is a story I have heard from multiple people. It goes like this:

"I had to leave that company; I could not take it any longer. The person I worked for was always yelling and complaining. The thing is, he was yelling at me for things that happened with other people. None of these people worked for me, I did not know what I was supposed to do about it. Sometimes he would call me when I was at home in the evening or on the weekend, just to yell about someone else. I was a nervous wreck.

You know what was really odd? When I gave my resignation my boss was really shocked and surprised."

As we continue our discussion, these additional facts are revealed:

• The ex-boss in question gave them great reviews.

And then the ‘Aha’ moment occurs!

"Oh, they weren't yelling at me, they were yelling to me. They were using
me to vent and I thought I was in trouble all of the time. It was just so
stressful."

In many instances the yelling boss has no idea that his yelling is creating an
uncomfortable environment. He just needed to vent and he trusted that one
special person to listen. The problem is, he did not ask their permission and
he did not make it clear that he was yelling to them and not at them.

So think about it, have you ever been the yelling boss or co-worker? It is OK to vent. Ask permission first. Some people are willing to be your partner in this type of exercise and others are not. Please know the difference!

The person who has been on the receiving end of your yelling can tell you how
much it bothers them. Yes, they can ask you if you are yelling at them or to
them. But if you are their direct manager, you are placing them in an extremely
awkward position. Just because someone listens to you silently does not mean
they are OK.

If you have a question about the human side of the workplace, just ask Margaret by sending your questions to Ask@MargaretMeloni.com.