Backstabber at Work? Go Ninja On Them!

Question: In a recent meeting, a co-worker said disparaging things about me and my team. Everything he said was untrue. He was clearly playing politics and putting me down to make himself look good. How can I stand up to him without losing my temper and without looking like a jerk?

You are absolutely right; you do need to stand up to him. Do not wait for someone else to intervene and do not sit silently and assume that everyone understands that he is wrong. You do want to pull the knife out of your back, you just don’t want to sharpen it and hold it to his throat. OK –you feel like you do, but trust me you don’t.

First you need to be calm. Think of your favorite martial arts heroes. Calm in the face of a hundred ninja assassins, your hero takes a deep breath and wins the fight with his mind and body. You need to be able to answer this person without losing your cool. This could mean taking a minute to reply, it could mean having some quiet time (even five minutes) to yourself before you have to see him, or it could mean coming up with a mantra that you repeat silently to yourself when the verbal attack comes. (I won't let him get to me, I won't let him get to me…)

You are going to defend yourself with facts. Each time this person makes an untrue statement, counter it with the actual data that proves him wrong. You need facts and evidence to support your position. In fact, if you know how this person usually tries to discredit you, it is in your best interest to walk around with the facts and figures that show him to be wrong. For example, if you are in sales and he quotes incorrect sales figures, be sure to have your sales report on hand so that you can quickly correct him.

Your defense is to be calm and professional. Your knife is your sharp mind!

PS – Be sure to check out today’s video, there is some
really good advice on how to deal with backstabbers at work.

Until next time; wishing you peace at work. Remember to send
your questions to Ask@MargaretMeloni.com. If you prefer to remain anonymous that's OK. I will not publish your name.