Dealing with a Crier at Work: Ask Margaret

Question: I recently saw you answer a question about how to deal with a co-worker who yells. I have an employee who cries. She cries whenever I try to tell her about changes in her position. I wind up stopping the conversation because I feel badly that she is crying.What should I do?

At the risk of seeming insensitive, I would like to point something out to you. If every time your employee starts crying, you stop the conversation, then you are not able to tell her about your expectations and the changes you are making to her position, right? And so as long as she cries, she does not have to make any changes? Hmmm, is it possible that you are being manipulated? Whether it is conscious or not, your employee has the upper hand. It would be nice if you could have a mature adult conversation.

Please know that I am not in favor of purposefully making people cry or in turning a blind eye when someone is truly upset. I am asking you to think about the pattern of the crying behavior you are witnessing. This behavior is getting in the way of business.

Consider giving this a try. Set a time to discuss the necessary changes with your crier. Let her know ahead of time about the conversation. This way she can mentally prepare and so can you. When she starts crying, do not stop the meeting. Definitely take a pause, perhaps kindly hand her a Kleenex and give her time to compose herself. You can certainly ask her what is bothering her. But you need to forge ahead. If she expresses that she is too upset to continue, set a time to reconvene. You need to keep at it until you can have the appropriate business conversation that is required.

Until next time; wishing you peace at work. Remember to send
your questions to Ask@MargaretMeloni.com.

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