Helicopter Parenting: Is It Time to Come in for a Landing?

 When we were children our parents didn’t arrange play dates.  They certainly didn’t phone another parent to report there were “hurt feelings” over not receiving an invitation to a birthday party.  And they were so done walking us to school by the time we hit double digits (probably a lot sooner – say at the start of first grade).   Nope, instead we were told to go out and play, save our tears for something important, and look both ways when we crossed the road.  Unlike our parents, this generation of parental units has been christened “Helicopter Parents” and the term isn’t exactly one of endearment.  If you’re unfamiliar with the idiom it first originated in 1990 when Dr. Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay coined the phrase in their book Parenting with Love and Logic:  Teaching Children Responsibility.  It’s used to effectively describe parents who hover—or helicopter—over their children and their lives. 

So, we pose this question:  Are We Undermining Our Children Growing Up by Helicopter Parenting?

Elizabeth Borsting

I love the phrase “Helicopter Parent” because it immediately conjures up an image, at least in my mind, of Elroy Jetson, only with a soccer mom 'do.  Personally, I'm drawn to other mothers and fathers who share my parenting philosophy which is that the greatest gift you can give a child is a gift of independence.  The first time I allowed my son to play on the playground after school as a first grader was hard, but he came through with flying colors.  And I got more comfortable with the idea of picking him up later in the day rather than right when the bell rang.  I was nervous when I had to repeat this rite of passage with my daughter, but she managed just fine, too.  Since then there have been countless firsts—sleepovers, walking to and from school without my guidance,  going to 2^nd Street with friends—and the one comment I hear over and over again from friends and acquaintances is that my kids are “so independent.”  For me, it’s quite a compliment to hear those words.  I think the most ridiculous example of Helicopter Parenting I personally witnessed was at a college open house where an exhibit table, manned by co-ed parents, was the equivalent of the PTA…only at the university level.  Really, is this necessary?  I think college is a lot like Vegas:  What happens on campus, stays on campus!

Patricia Tsoiasue

A child who has to 'fend for him/herself' naturally will find ways to interact with others. We are social creatures by nature, so it will happen.  I absolutely LOVE how children will simply accept other children, and feel no hesitation about walking up to another and being an 'insta-friend'.  We also believe that a single good friend is plenty. That said, if we observe that our child does not bond to any other, should we be concerned?
I guess the answer would be yes, but is micro-management of the situation the right solution? I credit my husband for his handling of what we consider to be difficult situations... i.e. he (and now I) really believes that they are capable of thinking and from early on we worked through issues by talking to our son.  It's worked for us.  He's extremely independent.  On the lighter side, I have been known to suggest a play date or two.  Sometimes the grownups do have to get involved.

Nicole Gracie

Oh yes, I think helicopter parenting is alive and well and detrimental to our children learning how to make their own decisions and fight their own battles. As a college admissions consultant, I see this very frequently. I have seen parents rewrite their child's college essay. While it is very hard to go from being very involved to letting our kids stumble, as parents we have to find opportunities for kids to gain confidence and do things for themselves. By the time kids get to high school, I think it's a good idea to let them develop their own relationships with their teachers, coaches, and counselors. You'd be surprised! They can function just fine if given the chance!

Susie Ridgeway

I think children need to learn from their mistakes and if we as parents are always there in their life "hovering," checking on them, monitoring them and knowing their every move, it isnt doing a child any benefit for the future.  I fully believe that children do need to walk their own path, be somewhat independent and learn to make their own choices and mistakes in a safe environment.  Parents should obviously step in with guidance as needed.  The best way to learn a lesson is to learn from your mistakes, that is when it really hits home.  My favorite expression from one of my friends that she says to her children- "Well, I won't be going to college with you, so you will need to learn to do this on your own."