Baseball, Special Needs, and Letting Go

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been thinking about what it really means to face your fears. As parents, everyday we ask our children to venture out into the unknown world, face new situations and to be brave. We tell our children that we believe in them, not to worry, and that everything will be alright. But as parents, do we have that same confidence within ourselves to face our fears no matter what?

You see, baseball season is here. I have many reservations about entering my littlest boy, who is high functioning autistic, on the typical little league team. Although he is borderline typical, he also is very challenged with many autistic behaviors that hinder him from experiencing everyday life. This will not only be his first sport that he will enter, but his first "typical" anything without "special needs" being attached to it.  

I worry about my child and possible autistic behaviors or outbursts that can come about during practice and games. My son is fantastic at everything he does, but one issue that he faces is becoming overstimulated in social situations. With many autistic kids, this is very common. Being around a large crowd of people is very challenging for him. For example, lets take into consideration how much overstimulation this can be.

Let’s take a baseball game for example. Imagine walking on to home plate and it is time for you to bat. Facing the outfield, you have several baseball players intensely watching you and behind the home plate, there is a crowd cheering you on. First, let’s talk about the players in the outfield staring you down. When people are watching us, the first thing we notice is their eyes. For children with autism, eye contact is very uncomfortable and naturally avoided. For children on the spectrum, lack of eye contact is very common. The reason for this is because eye contact creates an instant social connection that is too personal. When eye contact is attempted towards a person on the spectrum, the child with autism usually turns away or disengages. 

Now let’s consider the noise level. You have a screaming crowd, the coach cheering you on, and the noise from the baseball bat coming into contact with the baseball. Children with autism have very sensitive ears. Most severe autistic children wear earplugs or headphones just to block out the noise so they can focus. I once read about an autistic child explaining what chalk on a chalkboard sounded like and they compared it to the sound of a jet engine. Overall, human beings encounter these stimulations on a regular basis but to a child on the spectrum, it can almost destroy them to a point of a breakdown. It can become so unbearable to their body that they will literally shut down, disengage, scream, and throw a severe tantrum until their body regulates once again. 

So as you can imagine, this is my worst fear. I fear my son shutting down or having an emotional outburst on the field in front of all of his peers. For most kids/parents, this could be a very scary situation to witness and will turn off most kids/parents to want to interact with a child on the spectrum. In the end, all I want is for my child is to enjoy himself and have an amazing time with other children his age. I want nothing more than for him to experience a day without challenges that most kids his age will never face.   

So despite all of this, I know as a parent, I have to believe in myself as much as I believe in my children. I too have to overcome the fears that come along with special needs. Walking into unknown territory is something we all do everyday and whether or not we decide to take the first step is up to us. If I choose not to forge ahead and allow him to experience baseball regardless of what comes with it, he will never learn to live. Who am I to take this away from him because of my own personal fears as a parent?  

As I leave you with these thoughts, I will also leave you with an inspirational quote that I turn to for strength. Thanks for reading....

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt