Our Vacuum Cleaner Was a Broom...

I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to vacuum with a vacuum cleaner that weighs more than I do. After getting to my witchy, boiling point because of body pain and cord-aggravation, I started remembering my red-neckish childhood and everything changed. We couldn't afford such extravagances as vacuum cleaners. Our vacuum cleaner was a broom. 

The secret to using the broom as a great cleaning apparatus, is to dampen it with water, shake excess out and start sweeping the carpet like a madwoman (or man-so strong, so tough, so studly... subliminal message...). The dampness of the broom disallows dust from stirring up, and is actually quite efficient and fun to do. Why act like a witch with the vacuum when you have a perfectly good broomstick at home? This way you can be your true, inner witch and have a belt (I mean, blast!) while doing it. Not only does it catch more dirt than the traditional vacuum, it saves on electricity, replacements, backaches, firms your upper body, burns more calories, and believe it or not - gets better as the years go by. A good broom-cleaning utensil can last for up to a decade or more. One trip to "Cheapskates R Us" and you're good to go for ten years! 

If that's not enough to tempt you into "brooming", it also comes in mighty handy for short trips around town. Just think of the gas mileage you'll get, not to mention how famous you'll be seeing your picture plastered on the front page of "The Lunatic Monthly" or "OhNoYouDidn't.com".  You don't have to commit a crime or bare your bosom to be noticed anymore.

Since I'm never in the mood for cleaning and only have someone come in once every 6 months, I've posted sticky notes all around the house for those rude comments I often get. Even though I try not to have people over, you never know when someone may drop in from Mars or Neptune.  Most of the people who've dropped in on us, seem to be from Uranus, thus the unwanted comments. Because of this, I find that strategically placing "signage" around the house saves energy explaining why the place looks like a filthy house of deranged pigs. The only time the place looks acceptable is on Halloween.

Check back for more tips on miserly housekeeping and other assorted oddities. You do not want to miss my next story about not panicking if your freezer door falls off. I know the answer and it's sooo easy.

Now, where's my broomstick? It's time to fly!