Chevy Chase Enters Rehab for Alcohol Problem Tuneup

Chevy Chase Enters Rehab for Alcohol Problem Tuneup: Chevy Chase has checked into the rehab facility Hazelden Addiction Treatment Center in Minnesota for what his publicist referred to as a "tuneup" in his alcohol recovery. Good for him! Last time he rehabbed, he went to the Betty Ford Center. Think about it folks - a Chevy going to a Ford Center? No wonder the treatment didn’t take.

Galaxy Note 7 Recalled After Numerous Fires and Explosions: Samsung has initiated an unprecedented $1 billion recall for its initially high-praised phablet upon numerous reports that the device tends to catch fire and even explode. One thing’s for sure, regardless of sales figures, Samsung obviously has itself the “hottest” phone on the market. Why they’re literally exploding right off the shelf.

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Sex Good for Older Women While Risky for Older Men: Older women who have robust sex lives tend to have lower blood pressure and don’t suffer a single ill health effect from their bedroom activities, while for older men, sex brings on a higher risk of stroke or heart attack. Well, guess I now know how I’m going to die. Once again, you have to prepare for strenuous exercise by training people. Anyway, sounds like Jerry Hall really has her work cut out for her now.

Boeing Developing Missile That Wipes Out Everything Electrical: Boeing is reportedly developing a missile that bombards everything under the ground with microwaves - taking out everything electrical - from your iPad to critical city power systems. Of course here in LA, we already have something that routinely wipes out all our electricity - its called the Department of Water and Power.

Martha’s Vineyard Burglar Paints Dog Purple: A Martha’s Vineyard man has been arrested - accused of a string of home break-ins, one in which cops say he painted a dog purple. This guy sounds like a total idiot. Doesn’t he know that after a burglary, you’re supposed to go out and "paint the town red,” not paint the dog purple! In his defense, perhaps he thought the dog was a Vikings fan.

Trump Lawyer Claims God Taking to Clouds in Support of Trump: In a recent twitter post, Donald Trump lawyer Michael Cohen claimed that God is sending us a message that he wants Donald Trump in the White House, posting a pic of a cloud formation that many Trump supporters say resembles Donald Trump’s face. They may very well be right, after all, everyone knows that clouds are formed by hot air rising. One thing’s for sure, if that really does turn out to be Trump’s image, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t try to sue God for using his likeness without paying royalties. Of course here in California, we’re more avant garde and prefer our Trump images on gourmet toasted grilled cheese sandwiches.

North Carolina Residents Say Endangered Red Wolves are a Pest: The fate of the world's remaining wild population of red wolves is set to be decided soon as many North Carolina residents are complaining that the endangered wolves are increasingly straying onto private land and causing problems. North Carolina officials say they’ve offered the red wolves an option of either moving out or changing color, but the wolves have the attitude they’re “better red than dead.”

Obesity Rates Soar in Bible Belt States: A new survey on obesity in the United States found Louisiana at the top of the chart with an adult obesity rate of 36.2 percent, with Mississippi, Alabama and West Virginia following close behind. Who could have known that the Bible Belt would turn out to be a place where people are too big to even wear belts? Hell, obesity rates in Louisiana have gotten so bad, they’ve been forced to extend “Fat Tuesday” clear into the weekend.

Greenville Citizens Terrorized by People Dressed as Clowns: Greenville, SC police chief Ken Miller promised frightened residents he will arrest and charge anyone seen in public dressed in a clown costume after numerous calls poured in to 911 from people terrorized by seeing people walking around in public dressed as clowns. Interesting place the Bible Belt. Dress up like a clown and head over to the mall and they’ll haul you off to jail, but dress up like Rambo and walk downtown or into some business with a loaded assault rifle strapped across your back and no one thinks anything of it. I’m guessing Ronald McDonald doesn’t do well in this community. Thank God Tammy Faye Bakker never lived to see something like this come down. One thing’s for sure, Greenville’s gonna be like a war zone on Halloween. The jails will be filled to capacity.

U.S. Bans Common Chemicals Found in Antibacterial Soaps: The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced a ban on 19 active ingredients in antibacterial soaps, saying that antibacterials’ benefits have not been proved to exceed potential risks. Critics of the decision claim the FDA caved-in to the powerful bacteria lobby.

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Study Finds People Don’t Care for Credit Cards With Chips: While credit cards with security chips have more or less become the norm, a new study found that people don’t really like credit cards that have chips very much. That’s why I made certain to have my bank issue my credit cards with onion and BBQ flavored chips inside. Give it a try, it really makes a big difference.

Pot Plants Discovered Behind Connecticut Day Care Center: West Haven Police report finding 600 - ten foot tall marijuana plants, growing behind a local day care center in that city. Authorities say they became suspicious when they realized this is probably the only day care center in the world where they have no problem with kids not finishing their snacks or refusing to take naps. Guess this gives new meaning to telling the kiddies “now its time to go potty.” Thank goodness local officials were savvy enough to make sure all the children were quickly administered high doses of prescription Xanax to help them deal with the psychological trauma of being so close to where cannabis plants were being illegally cultivated.