Arts & Entertainment
Swiss Scientist Claims Fungi Can Create Stradivarius Sound
A satirical look at current events!
Swiss Scientist Claims Fungi Can Create Stradivarius Sound: A Swiss scientist says that treating wood used in making a violin with a special fungi can create a modern instrument that sounds indistinguishable from a true Stradivarius. On the other hand, who wants to buy a musical instrument that needs to be put on antibiotics before you can play it?
US Kills Number Two ISIS Leader: The White House has announced that Fadhil Ahmad al-Hayali, the No. 2 ISIS leader has been killed during a U.S. airstrike in Iraq. US Forces described him an especially hard target, because - as they say - when you’re only number two, you die harder.
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Father Describes French Train Attacker as a Good Boy: The father of the Moroccan man accused of a foiled attack on a crowded Amsterdam-Paris train described his son as someone who worked hard, never talked politics and was a “good boy.” Which kind of makes you wonder what the hell he would have been like had he actually been a “bad boy.”
Warm Ocean Blamed for Lobster Population’s Move North: The lobster population has crashed to the lowest levels on record in southern New England while climbing to heights never before seen in the cold waters off Maine and other northern reaches - a geographic shift that scientists attribute in large part to the warming of the ocean. In rebuttal, Republican candidates say its high-time we add lobsters along with meteorologists and climate scientists to the growing list of Global Warming hoax perpetrators.
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NASA Says Giant Asteroid Will Not Hit Earth in September: NASA says it felt compelled to dispel the persistent online rumors that a giant asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and will strike near Puerto Rico in mid-September, wiping out much of the Americas. That’s good to know, I already had plans. On the other hand, I suppose that would be a quick way to wipe out Puerto Rico’s debt crisis.
Auction Sells Penny for $1 Million: One of the first pennies ever produced by the U.S. Mint was put up for auction and reportedly sold for more than $1 million. Wow, a penny selling for a million dollars? Geez, not even Starbucks has a mark-up like that.
Study Says Aging Men Need to Keep Moving: New studies all conclude that the key to keeping healthy for aging males is to stay active and keep moving. Hell, they may have to keep moving with rents going up like they are. If this study is true, I should be in fantastic shape then, given that I’ve moved at least 4 times in the last 5 years.
Famous Silence of the Lambs House Up for Sale: The four-bedroom Victorian house that was used as the home and basement dungeon of psychotic killer “Buffalo Bill” in the 1991 film “The Silence of the Lambs” is up for sale. Now, I realize that a lot of people would be intimidated about buying a place with such a reputation, but my feeling has always been they’re all just basements - until you start adding chains. My only question is, what do you give as a housewarming gift to someone who buys a place like that?
Supermarket Chain Must Pay Michael Jordan $8.9 Million: NBA legend Michael Jordan was awarded $8.9 million by a Chicago jury in a case against supermarket chain Dominick’s, which included his name in a promotion without his permission. Sadly for Jordan, the chain will be paying him off in double coupons.
