It isn't breaking up that causes the most damage to kids, it is HOW you break up. I met a woman whose story moved me so much I gave up my divorce practice and have done nothing but mediation since hearing what her parents divorce was like. Her dad had a best friend. Mom, dad and the friend were VERY close. They did all kinds of things together. You can imagine what happened next between mom and the friend. When dad found out about the betrayal, he naturally went nuts. Things started to go very bad, lawyers, court, judges, high legal bills, etc. At a certain point they all realized the financial and emotional cost of continuing the fight and decided they HAD to go back to being friends. Mom married the friend. Dad eventually remarried too. The daughter said that they celebrate all holidays together and go on vacations together. Because of her parents choice, she said she never felt like she lost her family but that it grew so that there were more people to love and love her. The impact of this story rocked my world. I thought about Demi Moore and Bruce Willis breakup and how they vowed to stay friends for the sake of the kids. The image of Ashton Kutcher, Demi and Bruce going out together reminded me that it was possible to have a peaceful divorce and focus on protecting the children instead of engaging in war. Obviously the irony is that when Demi and Ashton broke up it became pretty nasty and the last two years of their fighting has not been pretty. But news came this morning that they just had a divorce ceremony and all is peaceful again. The lesson to be learned is that divorce doesn't have to be ugly. When rational people want to break up, they can save a lot of money while protecting the children by working together in mediation.
