RECOVERING FROM LIFE'S HURTS

Everybody has hurts. Nobody is exempt. Sometimes life can be very tough. The problem is we live in a fallen world, populated with fallen beings, and we’re under attack by the evil one. So it’s no wonder that we have problems and associated pain. David understood this when he wrote Psalm 109:22-23.
“For I am poor and needy, and my heart is full of pain. I am fading like a shadow at dusk; I am brushed off like a locust.” Psalm 109:22-23
That pretty much summarizes it all. When we experience pain, it’s usually one of three kinds.
The first area is PHYSICAL pain.  Everybody has their normal share of cuts and bruises to be sure, but a lot of people have to deal with constant pain due to illness or traumas of various kinds. Even growing old can be painful. And depending on your threshold of pain, it can be a serious problem.
A second area is EMOTIONAL pain. This one is a little more hidden. It’s often more difficult to deal with than physical pain. I’m talking about things like fear, worry, anger, guilt grief, depression, etc.  These things are subtle, and we often don’t realize when they’re happening.
And the third area is RELATIONAL pain. This is hurt caused by other people — through relationships. It can consist of misunderstandings — conflicts – loneliness – rejection – etc.
Now when people deal with these kinds of hurt they naturally want relief. And one place they often look is the Bible — and most particularly the Book of Psalms. In the Book of Psalms David wrote:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Isn’t that a wonderful Psalm? God says you can never be closer to Him than when you are hurting. But what’s interesting is David didn’t always observe this in his own life.  Many times he  tried to solve his own problems before he went to God. What David would typically do is crash and burn FIRST and THEN go to God.  “Lord, I’ve got this problem.”“Here is what’s going on.” “Here is what I have been trying to do, but it hasn’t worked!” “Now I realize I need Your help!” “Please restore me and help me.” And David did that frequently. The same scenario comes up over and over in many of the psalms.
So why would David do that – especially since he knew better? Well, we don’t really know — except to say he was human — just like us. It does sound kind of familiar, because we often do the same thing, don’t we? We usually try to fix our own problems first, and when our fixes don’t work we run to God. OK, so that’s what I want to talk about in this blog. But we are going to approach this subject a little differently. Instead of talking about things that work, we are going to talk about 6 things that don’t work. We are going to talk about 6 common approaches that most people take to solve their problems that never work. I realize that’s a little unusual, but rest assured we are not going to leave it there. We are also going to talk about what does work. OK, so lets’ get started.
The first approach that doesn’t work is ignoring the problem.  
I call this the John Wayne approach. John Wayne might say, “I’m tough”. “Give me a bullet to bite on”.  “I’ll ignore the pain”. In Psalm 32:3 David says,
“There was a time I wouldn’t admit my sin, but my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration.” Psalm 32:3
OK, so here’s a good question to periodically ask yourself: Is there any pain in my life that am I ignoring?  You see most of the time, we don’t even know when we are ignoring our pain, so we need to ask ourselves this question. Let’s say for example there are some dysfunctional people in your family, and you pretend you don’t see them. Or maybe you’re living with somebody, or having an affair, and you think it’s OK. Or maybe your marriage is on the rocks, and you’re pretending it’s not.  Or maybe you’re having problems at work, and you’re ignoring them. The list is pretty endless.
Now why do we do this?  I believe one of the main reasons is people think problems will go away – given enough time. You know -it’s the old idea about time healing all wounds.  But that’s just not true. An unattended wound usually gets infected and festers until it becomes a much bigger problem. David said, “When I ignored my pain, it made me miserable.”  He was festering inside, and it was getting worse.
A second reason why I believe we ignore our problems is because we tend to procrastinate. We’ll say things like, “One of these days…….. “I’m going to go to the dentist.” “Or I’m going to get that surgery I need.”“Or I’m going to get some marriage counseling.” “Or I’m going to confront my mother-in-law or my boss or my neighbor or whoever”.  We tend to postpone what is potentially painful. We all do that. But notice what happens – we get miserable. Procrastination turns minor problems into major problems.  If you wait until April 14th to do your taxes, you’re in deep weeds. Alright, that’s the first approach that doesn’t work.
A second approach that doesn’t work is running away.
We called the first way of dealing with pain the John Wayne approach, but this method of dealing with pain is called the Don Knotts approach. For those of you who may remember Don Knotts, he was kind of a chicken hearted guy. So this approach is the chicken-hearted approach. We run from pain.  We leave, get out, escape, retreat, and back off.  We don’t stick around. You get the idea. In Psalm 55: verses 6 & 8 David says,
“I wish I had wings like a dove, I’d fly away and find some rest.  I’d flee to some refuge from all this storm.” Psalm 55:6, 8
Let me ask you, have you ever felt that way?  It’s human nature to run from difficulties.  And there’s many ways people do that. For example: People immerse themselves in television. Or video games. Or hobbies. Or entertainment. Or computers. Or even addictions of all types. We are experts at finding ways to escape.  But, there’s a big problem with the escape approach. We can get away for a while, but when we come back, we still have the problem.  The problem doesn’t go away.  So we will still have to face it. God is not going to give up. If we don’t respond to His first set of stimuli, He will give us more and more. And He will keep doing that until we finally deal with the problem.  I don’t know if you have experienced that, but as God increases the pressure, things tend to get harder. Until He finally brings us to our knees.
Well, that covers two things that most of us commonly do that don’t work. I will talk about some other ways that don’t work when we try to solve our problems in future blogs. In the meantime think about what we have talked about so far.
Does any of it sound familiar?
Posted by Pastor Bob Reinhart
River Recovery Church San Leandro, CA
www.riverrecoverychurch.com