RECOVERING FROM LIFE'S HURTS (Part Two)

Last week we talked about how to deal with pain in our lives. We started our discussion by talking about two approaches that people often take that DO NOT WORK. Now we realize this is a bit unusual, but we liked that approach so much that we are going to continue with it and talk about four more things that DO NOT WORK. So let’s begin.
A third approach that doesn’t work is hiding our problems.
A person who does this says, “I’m not going to ignore my problems. I’m not going to run from them either. I’m just not going to tell anybody about them. In fact I’m going to cover them up. I’m going to wear a mask. I’m going to put on a good appearance.” David tells us in Psalm 39:2-3:
“I kept quiet, not saying a word, but my suffering only grew worse. I was overcome with anxiety. The more I thought, the more troubled I became.” Psalm 39:2-3
One common way we hide our problems is by denying them. Someone will say, “You’re angry.” “No, I’m not!”, as steam is coming out of our ears. “Yes, you are.” “No, I’m not!” We deny it. We don’t like to admit when we are hurt or angry or bitter or whatever we are feeling. Another way we hide our problems is using possessions. We think, “If I could just get a certain thing, my problems will be neutralized, and I’ll be happy.” “If I could just get a Mercedes.” “Or go on a European vacation.” “If I could just buy something – then everything would be great.”But this doesn’t work either. Possessions never compensate for pain. I know a lot of people who have everything they want, but they still hurt. David said, “I was overcome with anxiety, and I became more troubled.” David says keeping quiet doesn’t work. Take a look at James 5:16,
“Confess your faults to one another, so that you may be healed.” James 5:16
You can’t work on a problem until you admit it. Admitting it starts with yourself, and then you have to tell someone else. James says REVEALING my FEELING leads to HEALING. Sometimes when I am counseling people, they will say, “I’ve never told this to anybody…. ” When I hear that, I believe we’re going to have a breakthrough, because they are about to come clean, and that’s the first step to healing.
A fourth approach that doesn’t work is worry.
When we have pain in our lives, we often fret and stew and get uptight. And we worry. Worry is an attempt to control something that we are not equipped to control. It’s called playing God. We are assuming a responsibility that God never intended us to have. If I worry about something I can’t control, that accomplishes nothing. But if I worry about something I can control, that’s just dumb, because I have the ability to do something about it. So when I am faced with worry, a good question to ask myself is, “Can I control this situation?” If I can, then I should. But if I can’t, I need to stop worrying about it and give it to the One Who can control it. That just puts everything into perspective, and it takes us out of the loop.
In Psalm 55:2 David says,“I am worn out by my worries.” In Psalm 77:4 David says, “I am so worried I cannot speak.” In Psalm 37:8 David says, “Don’t give in to worry or anger, it only leads to trouble.”
When it comes to dealing with any issue, you really have two choices. You can worry about it, or you can let it go. Worry is like being in a rocking chair. You rock back and forth and you never go anywhere. You just consume lots of energy and nothing gets done. So why waste the energy?
A fifth approach that doesn’t work is getting resentful.
Many of us are prone to self-pity when things go wrong. We will say: “Poor me!” “I’m so badly hurt.” “I’ve got so many problems.” And we get bitter and resentful. And that CONFUSES OUR THINKING. In Psalm 73:21-22 David says to God,
“When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I did not understand you.” Psalm 73:21-22
David said, “I lost clarity.” “I was looking at my hurt feelings and my resentment, and I didn’t see what God was doing.”“I missed the point, and that CONFUSED me.” Resentment is often more harmful than the hurt we experienced in the first place. Why? Because resentment prolongs hurt, and that obscures our vision and confuses us. The truth is the past can’t hurt us any more, UNLESS we allow it to. The past is over. It’s dead. It’s finished. And resentment doesn’t change that. All it does is ruin the future. So let the past go! As long as I’m fixing blame, I’m not fixing problems. We can do one or the other. One leads to bitterness, and the other leads to betterness. It’s a choice. But many of you are allowing people and circumstances from your past to continue to hurt you today. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do that.
The last approach that doesn’t work is to give up.
When we give up, we withdraw and stop trying. Maybe some of you are at this stage today. Maybe you’ve been carrying a hurt for so long you’re thinking, “What is the use? Why even try? I’m like Humpty Dumpty. Nothing can put me back together again. We know Job felt this way. He had lost his health, his family and his fortune. He was badly hurting, and he finally wanted to give up. He tells this to God in Job 10:20-21.
“I have only a few days left, so leave me alone, that I may have a moment of comfort before I leave—never to return—to the land of darkness and utter gloom.” Job 10:20-21
Job saw no way out of his problems. He was depressed. His solution was to seek comfort in oblivion. But David on the other hand reached out to the Lord when he hit bottom. Take a look at Psalm 130:1-2.
“From the depth of my despair, I call to you Lord. Hear my cry, Lord — listen to my call for help.” Psalm 130:1-2
Alright, that concludes our discussion about six things that people commonly use to deal with the pain in their lives. Next week we will talk about what does work. We hope to see you at this Sunday’s service that starts at 11:00 at 890 Fargo Avenue San Leandro, CA.