Recovering from Resentment (part three)

In our last two blogs we have talked about the causes of resentment and the characteristics of resentment. Today I want to finish up and talk about the cures for resentment. There are three that I want to discuss, and they all come from Book of Job. So Let’s begin with the first one.

The first cure for resentment is reveal your hurt. This means you have to admit it. You have to be honest, and a good place to start is tell it to God. There’s nobody better to talk to than Him. So get it off your shoulders. Spill your guts. Tell God exactly how you feel. This is what Job did. Take a look at Job 7:11.

“I can’t be quiet. I am angry and bitter. I have to speak.” Job 7:11

And then he does. He unloads on God in verses 12-21.

“Why do you keep me under guard? Do you think I’m a sea monster? I lie down. I try to rest. I look for relief from my pain. But you terrify me with dreams. You send me nightmares. I’d rather be strangled than live in this miserable body. I give up. I’m tired of living. Leave me alone. My life makes no sense. Why is man so important to you? Why do you pay attention to what He does? You inspect him every morning and test him every minute. Won’t You look away long enough for me to swallow my spit? Are you harmed by my sin, you jailer (He is calling God names!)” Job 7:12-21

If you were God, how would you react to that? Would you fry him with a bolt of lightning? Well, God could have, but He didn’t.God understood Job, and He understood his hurt. When we say, “God, I don’t like this. This stinks. It hurts!” God’s not going to be surprised. Who do you think created those emotions in us? Who do you think gave us the capacity to get angry and express our feelings? God did. God is not surprised by our emotional state. He understands us.So God let Job get things off his chest. It was a catharsis. It was a time of cleansing. Let me ask you, what do you do with a boil? You lance it and let the stuff out. The same is true with our feelings. Now when it comes to handling feelings, we often do it in one of two ways. The first way is repress them.   That means we push them down. Somebody once said, “When I swallow my anger, my stomach keeps the score.” That’s true. Repressed anger can produce ulcers, as well as all kinds of other ailments.

A better way to deal with feelings instead of repressing them is to confess them to God like Job did. So let me ask you – are you stuffing anything right now? Are you pretending that your problem doesn’t hurt? But you know it really does! What’s going on in your life that needs to change?Is it your marriage – your employment – your friendships – what? Are you pretending everything is OK? Here’s what I recommend you do.Write a letter to God and use Psalm 139:23-24 as you do. Remember that Psalm?

“Search me O God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See there is anything in me that offends You and lead me on the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

Here is an example of such a letter to God that you might use when you are letting it all hang out. This is just a model, but it will give you an idea.

God here are my hurts _________________________________________________________

This is how I feel about them ____________________________________________________

Where were You when they happened to me? Why did You let them happen? Are You ignoring me? Why? Am I so bad that You have to punish me? How long am I going to suffer? How can this be part of Your sovereign plan? You are supposed to be a gracious God. Where is Your grace? Oh God, I am hurting. Please help me!!! Have you ever prayed that way? Maybe yes. Maybe no. This is what Job did, and God understood. So think about it. See if this is something you need to do.

A second way to get rid of resentment is to release your offender. You will never start healing until you start forgiving. You’ve got to let go of what’s causing resentment. If you don’t — your pain will continue. Job was able to do this. His friends had hurt him deeply.They were disloyal. They falsely accused him.They misunderstood him, even though he was innocent. But Job wasn’t resentful or vengeful. Instead he was forgiving, and he prayed for his friends.Take a look at Job 42:10.

“After Job prayed for his three friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.” Job 42:10

So when did Job’s misery end? When he got revenge? No. When he distanced himself from his tormentors – his so-called friends? No. When he divorced his wife? No.None of these things are mentioned. Job’s misery ended when he prayed. The passage says, “The Lord made him prosperous again.”

When you pray for somebody who has hurt you – that means you have released them to God.And that’s important, because the Bible says we become what we focus on. It’s a law of life that we move toward what we think about.If I say, “I’m not going to be resentful”. “I’m not going to be resentful”. “I’m not going to be resentful”.Guess what happens?I end up being resentful.If I say, “My dad was mean, and I am not going to be like my dad”.I’m focusing on the very thing I don’t want to be, and that’s what I tend to gravitate toward.And this applies especially to the people who have hurt us. Instead of dwelling on them and what they did, we need to turn them over to God. So, how do we do that? We can simply say, “Lord I give all this to You.” “All my resentments”. “All my hurt. All my pain.” That’s it. It’s that simple.

But I hasten to add, it’s a process.It’s not a onetime deal – it’s a continual process. We have to keep doing it. And doing it. And doing it.You see it’s a new habit, and new habits take time to form.In Luke 6:27 Jesus says the same thing,

“But I tell you who hear me, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27

Jesus says do the exact opposite of what your sin nature tells you to do. He says love, do good, bless, pray for the people who have hurt you. Now let me tell you – when you do this it puts you in control. But when you try to hurt people back – you’re retaliating, and that’s being controlled by them. You’re not acting, you’re reacting. Jesus says be proactive, because love is proactive. Love is a choice.

One of you may be thinking, “I know I should forgive them and release them, but it’s not fair!” “They have hurt me so badly for so long.” “They don’t deserve to be forgiven.” “They deserve to be punished.” “It’s unfair.”You’re right. It isn’t fair. But forgiving them is not for them.It’s for you.Because it opens the door to peace and God’s blessing. The third step to getting rid of resentment is refocus.

“Put your heart right, reach out to God then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more.” Job 11:13

As long as we are preoccupied with our problems, they will control us.We have already talked about that.We said we automatically gravitate toward what we focus on. In the case of resentments, we have to stop focusing on our hurt feelings.We have to replace them by focusing on God and His Word. That’s what Job did.He says “Put your heart right” by “Reaching out to God”. THAT’S THE KEY.Job says when you do that you can face the world.He says you can be firm and courageous, and your troubles will fade from your memory.Isn’t that great?That’s a passage worth memorizing and putting into our daily lives.Job is talking about the road to healing from resentment.He says take the road.Don’t stay stuck in your problems. Well, there’s a happy ending to Job’s life. Job 42:12 says,

“Then the Lord blessed the last part of Job’s life even more than he had blessed the first.” Job 42:12

Wow! After Job went through all the trials — God blessed him with even more than he ever had. Wouldn’t you like that for your life? Well, here’s what you might say to God:  Lord, I am willing to give up all my resentments to You right now. I know this is a process, and I will probably have to do it many more times in the future. However, I am willing to do that, because I know this is what You want me to do. Lord, I don’t know whether I have five years or fifty years left. Would You bless the last part of my life more than You blessed the first part?” In Jesus name I pray. Amen

That’s an interesting prayer, isn’t it? It’s a matter of believing that it’s possible, because it is. Alright, let’s summarize the lessons we have learned from Job’s life.

• It doesn’t matter who hurt you.
• How long you’ve been hurt.
• Or how badly you’ve been hurt.
• You can give it to God.
• And He can make the rest of your life, the best of your life.
• But you have to be willing to admit your hurt.
• You have to be willing to forgive.
• And you have to be willing to focus on God.
• That’s what Job did.

Let’s do the same……

Pastor Bob Reinhart

bob@riverrecoverychurch.com