The College Search: Don’t Fall in Love Too Early

It’s March, and college admission decisions are rolling in.  Today, high school seniors will know if they have been admitted to UCLA, and UC Berkeley’s decisions will come out next week.

And for students who’ve had their hearts set on UCLA or Berkeley, or any of the other tremendously competitive and highly selective colleges, there will be disappointment.  Despite the fact that students know that some of these top tier colleges reject over 90% of the students who apply each year, they throw their intellect out the window and let their heart melt over a college.  A college that will reject them.

Most college counselors – school-based and independent counselors alike, will advise students to have a variety of colleges on their list.  “Apply broadly,” we like to say.  That means apply to colleges that are your dream schools, but apply to colleges where your scores and grades make it more likely that you will be accepted.  Sometimes I get pushback from parents on this.  “My son has a 2250 on the SAT and a 4.3 GPA,” they will tell me.  “He’s been playing the piano for 8 years and is student body president.  He’s sure to get into Harvard.” 

News flash.  Most of the students who apply to Harvard, and to many of the other highly selective colleges, have a similar profile.  Most of the other applicants – your child’s competition – are strong academically and have significant depth in their extra-curricular activities.  Most of them can write a tear-jerking essay.  Your child, I’m sorry to tell you, is not a shoe-in, even if you have “a connection.”

So don’t buy the sweatshirt when you visit, I advise students.  Don’t fall in love during the application part of the process – wait until you receive your acceptance letters.   And if you apply to the right list, you’ll get more acceptances than rejections.  Then you can fall in love with a college that agrees that you would make an excellent contribution to their campus. 

Parents, this is truly an issue where you can go one of two ways.  You can set your child up to feel like they disappointed you, or you can set them up for success.  Take the time early in the process to search for colleges where your child will be happy and successful.  There are dozens of colleges that will fit that bill!  I create college lists for my juniors to review – sometimes up to 40 colleges to explore.

For those who do find themselves holding the thin envelope (these days it’s sometimes just an e-mail), I recommend this resource:  Collegerejection.com.  Author Allison Singh has turned her Princeton rejection into a clarion call for all students rejected from their dream school.  My solution is to start earlier, research more and be pragmatic about where you are in the applicant pool.  And very definitely, do not fall in love too early.