How to Handle Your First Single-Parent Vacation

Relationship status may change after divorces, but statuses as parents do. Nor does the desire for a post-divorce summer vacation with the kids...until the realization sets in of the new parent to kid ratio.

Stress, understandably, sets in: how to keep things normal for the kids, how long are you supposed to wait after the divorce, should I invite the ex...no, can I handle the packing, planning, and traveling on my own? There’s lots of questions, but luckily they all come with answers. Travel agents, family lawyers, and single parents offer up some tips for the first time single-parent vacationers.

The Legalities of Single-Parent Vacations

Implying family vacations after divorce are common is an understatement- you’re not alone. But while you and the former spouse could pack up whenever to take off wherever last year, there are few legal things to browse over before adventuring on your first single-parent vacation.

Avoiding the Custody Order Vacation Blues

While summer vacations leave more leeway, other popular vacation times like spring break or holidays may have to wait until it’s your turn, legally. Parents should always be aware of their prior holiday arrangements and schedules agreed upon during the divorce and custody hearings. While you’re free to thoughtlessly book away on your time, parents must discuss trips planned when it’s during the other’s time.

“Depending on the relationship between the co-parents, switching weekends or time for trips can go either way,” child custody attorney DeeAn Gillespie said. “If you have travel plans for an event that you feel is vital, like weddings or funerals, you could seek an attorney’s counsel if your co-parent won’t let them go.”

However, Gillespie also stresses the importance of not arguing over vacation time as children are always more intuitive than parents would like to believe sometimes. If there’s a solid co-parenting relationship where schedules may be discussed, great. If not, consider rescheduling the trip for your weekend or holiday.

Documentation is a Parent's Best Travel Buddy

Anytime divorced parents go on a vacation during the opposite parent’s time - previously agreed upon- the traveling parent should document the one-time switch in visitation hours. This will protect everyone involved should any confrontations or disagreements arise later. In fact, pretend this whole paragraph is in bold, capitalized letters if you’re planning an international getaway.

No matter how young or old your children are, the U.S. requires all to have a valid passport for international traveling. If you share legal custody of your children, both parents need to provide their consent for the child to obtain a passport; so in addition to price hikes the longer people wait to order passports, parents shouldn’t put this at the bottom of their vacation checklist.

De-Stressing Tips for the First Timer

While the divorce dust has settled, the stress of being a single-parent is no lighter a burden. But that doesn’t mean vacations are forever a distant memory- vacations are a time to make personal and memorable memories with your favorite people.

Make it Your Own Vacation: No, this isn’t implying parents take the two-year-old to a night out in Vegas in an attempt to recapture the single days. But if your pre-divorce annual family vacation was a trip to Disney World, don’t go there right away. This is a time to create a new tradition or delve into new experiences, don’t relive the past just yet.

Call Up Your Single Ladies, or Men: Chances are most single-parents know at least one other single parent. If the first vacation jitters won’t allow your stomach to settle, consider inviting a friend or family members and their children along, as well. Having some time for adult conversations never ruined any parent’s day either.

Comfort Zones are Okay: Temperaments, age, and energy-levels of the kids AND the single-parent should be factors when selecting a destination. While most parents will whole-heartedly focus on their kids having a memorable trip, parents should make sure they don’t go too far outside their limitations and sacrifice their own good experiences. One idea, especially for international travel is to stay somewhere the parent’s been before (same hotel, same airport) to ease into the travel plans, and later on switch to a totally new location, if desired.

Get Everyone Involved: While a full-fledged itinerary may or may not be necessary for certain vacations - cruise lines call for planning day trips while visiting the fam is all in Grandma’s control- talking about what activities everyone wants to do is the best way to get all ages excited. Don’t forget vacations are also for rest and relaxation, so don’t go crazy with a ten page itinerary for the “doer” and list-making type of parents. Spontaneous moments after stumbling across an unexpected attraction or landmark or simply forgetting about the diet for the world’s best gelato can become the most memorable parts of the vacation. And let's be honest, sometimes kids’ (and parents’) moods are unpredictable, so be prepared to stop and take in the views when the cries are flooding in. Above all, don’t forget about downtime- ahem, rest and relaxation again. Toddlers and adults need naps.

Co-parent says yes, passports are on the way, destination is booked, fun activities voted on, and downtime poolside agreed upon, turns out family vacations for the newly divorced single-parent can be fun. Cheers to hopefully not coming back tired, or at least with no new stress wrinkles.

Image provided by: Mikel via Flickr