When Communication Breaks Down

There is nothing like a Government shutdown to remind us of the importance of communication. Open communication is the key to functional relationships, and when it breaks down the results can be ugly, costing individuals and institutions valuable time, money, and sanity. In some cases it can even lead to violence and legal troubles.

At their core, communication breakdowns are often centered around three principles; power, control, and fear. Whether at home or in the workplace, the following examples are some of the most common communication breakdowns that occur in our day-to-day relationships, and some tips on how to identify them and become better communicators.

Building a Wall -- “Stonewalling” is a term used to define a person or institution that simply refuses to communicate at all. They use silence as a weapon, and gain power and control by not engaging in any discussions or negotiations on the matter at hand. Many people who use stonewalling as a defense also feel extremely threatened by confrontation and have likely built up resentments over a period of time. If you struggle with stonewalling as your communication defense, then it might help to identify feelings that trigger you before the walls go up. What are you feeling? Anger? Resentment? Hopelessness? Perhaps the first step in fighting your urge to stonewall begins with communicating your honest feelings to the other party. Let them know you are becoming frustrated and need time to think about an issue before you get back to them. If you feel they are not listening to you, communicate to them that you do not feel heard when you voice your concerns. The key is to remain engaged in communication as much as possible, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.

Texting Tragedies -- In the age of Twitter, texting, and email, more people are communicating with each other than ever before. These resources can be a great way to do business and keep up with friends and family, but they can also create significant communication breakdowns. Texting and email are quick and abbreviated forms of typed communication that are void of the physical (face and body language) or verbal (voice tone) cues. Physical and verbal cues help us create a context for how to interpret the message being sent. Without these cues we run the risk of misinterpreting the message because of the lack of important emotional information inherent to the medium. Two tips; Always ask for clarity if you are unsure of the meaning of the message, and never discuss critical issues using texting and email as your only source of communication. If it is important, it is at least worth a phone conversation.

Blog contributor Niki Moore is a BBS registered Intern #IMF 68104 being Supervised at Open Paths Counseling Center by LMFT Kristen Faris MFC 42665. Open Paths offers services on a sliding-scale basis depending on your net income.  The mission is to provide affordable, accessible treatment to the community in English and Spanish.  If you are dealing with issues that might be helped through talk therapy go to http://openpaths.org.