Communicating in the Face of Death

Death is a tricky thing. Especially if it happens to a person not in your immediate family.

Just recently a good friend of the family lost someone and came over for a visit. While giving them a hug the usual "How are you doing?" was asked of me. Of course, naturally you say, "I am doing good...how are you?"

This made me cringe and freeze immediately as my mind recognized what just escaped from my lips. Of course a person is not "all right" after immediately losing someone. How do you recover from something like that?

I always wonder what is the right or wrong way to handle a situation like that.  I guess the best way to avoid the situation is to be on guard and have an answer ready. Instead of the immediate response, maybe it would be better to turn it back to that person and say, "More importantly, how are you holding up?"  This way you are able to detour the attention back to the person.

On the other hand, maybe they need the distraction and want to know what you are doing just to take a break from their immediate pain and loss. Sometimes there is no right answer but even just making the effort to be sensitive eases the tension in communication. To be present to other people's feelings is to be present in truth.

Every single moment in life is a moment of learning and growth. Just writing this blog makes me want to be a better person and have more empathy. All in all, I believe that it is important to look beyond how you are handling each situation and find that moment where you can gift someone with just a little bit of compassion.