If You Thought Robocalls Were Bad, Look at Disney's Newest Campaign

You can run from advertisers, but you can’t hide. Even if you record all your favorite TV shows and watch them back commercial-free, subscribe to satellite radio and put your name on solicitors’ no-call lists, they’ll still find you.

Take, for example, the Walt Disney Company’s current bedside push to women who’ve just given birth. Last week The New York Times reported that Disney representatives are marketing the company’s "DisneyBaby" clothing and accessories line in 580 maternity hospitals across the country. A representative visits a new mother and offers her a free newborn Disney Cuddly Bodysuit, a new take on the classic onesie, then urges her to sign up for e-mail alerts from DisneyBaby.

Sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch, but it’s not. It’s Disney’s strategy to build buzz for its baby label before the launch of products on Amazon and in Nordstrom and Target later this year.

Apparently, nowhere is safe from a commercial plug these days. That being the case, I came up with some winning advertising innovations of my own. 

First off, I believe there are some real win-win opportunities out there that could provide our financially strapped city with new revenue. For example, advertisers could pay to wrap city vehicles in their logos. Public buses are already covered with ads, why not everything on wheels? Fire trucks and ambulances could be mobile billboards for Coca Cola. After all, both are red. 

Similarly, police cars would make great ad vehicles for Sees Candies' black and white signage, and Starbucks couldn’t get a bigger splash than having their green logo roll through the Valley on sanitation trucks every Thursday.

It’s similar to the Los Angeles Unified School District’s recent decision to offset budget cuts by approving corporate logos on everything from school lunchrooms to football fields.

Another new source of city revenue could come from selling advertising on the back of traffic citations. In January fines on traffic tickets were increased $4 for violations across the board. A tasteful ad for say Jiffy Lube could offset the need for further increases. Including a tear-off coupon at the bottom for a $10 discount might even lessen the sting of getting a speeding ticket.

As for the private sector, Ralph’s and Gelsons could install video monitors on shopping carts for toddlers to watch while they’re being pushed through the store.  The monitors could feature commercials for kid-friendly products like Cocoa Pepples and fruit roll-ups. Currently, there are monitors with commercials in shopping malls and next to pumps at gas stations, why shouldn’t shopping carts be next?

And if advertisers are in search of a truly captive audience, they need look no further than parents held hostage in school carpool lines. The wait can be up to 30 minutes and cell phones are not allowed. I for one would welcome a friendly Menchies or Jamba Juice employee passing out samples and coupons through the car window.

Admittedly, these suggestions are a little absurd. But that doesn’t mean you should count them out. Who’d have thought women, fresh from hours in excruciating labor, would be facing marketing ploys in the maternity ward?