Back to School Blues

The first day of school is always electric—the excitement is almost palpable and smiles are (mostly) everywhere as students are dazzled by the novelty of new teachers and classes and energized by reunions with classmates

However, now that we are in the second week of school, the buzz has worn off and I am beginning to more fully understand the term, “back to school blues."  Between dragging my kids out of bed in the morning and dragging them in to do their homework, I realize now that we have been stricken with this malady, and a severe case of it at that.

Now, if I were a more organized mom than I am, I would have found articles such as this one that would have helped me prepare for the new school year before the first day of school arrived.  Alas, I am not and now I am dealing with the fallout of my lack of preparedness (did I ever tell you I never made it past one year of ‘Brownies’ in Girl Scouts?  Fortunately, I am married to a former Eagle Scout or my children would probably never get clothed or fed).

In all of this, I am finding two remedies for the back to school blues.  The first is the power of routine.  Although it is ideal to start these routines before school begins, I live by the credo, “Better late than never.”

So we have returned to more reasonable and consistent bedtimes and established an afterschool routine that includes snack time and nap/quiet time to unwind, followed by homework and free time (sans TV), bath time while I prepare dinner and then our usual bedtime routine after our meal together.

Now you may protest, “I am terribly undisciplined and routines just don’t work for me!”  As a self-professed organizationally challenged routine-wrecker, I will share with you my secret weapon:  Flylady.

This website revolutionized my life. Flylady makes it easy and almost fun to discover the freedom that comes from routines (yes, that sounds paradoxical, but it is true). Whether you work, stay at home, are pregnant, or have kids, the great thing is that you can customize her lessons to suit your individual needs and schedule.  The greatest thing about it is that it’s free.  Two great places to start are here and here.

Unfortunately, I fell off the Flylady bandwagon when I had my second child, underwent an appendectomy and made a transpacific move with our family back to California, all within six months.  I had gotten by until now, but the back to school blues have lent me new resolve to get back in the game.

The other remedy I have been using to combat the back to school blues is communication.  In all the hustle and bustle of returning to school, genuinely connecting with my kids had taken a backseat to just getting through the day.

Sitting down together at snack time to recap the school day has allowed my kids to reveal some of their true feelings about returning to school, which gives me the opportunity to process with them.  Instead of trying to solve their problems for them, I try to remember to let them do the troubleshooting while lending a listening ear.

Sometimes my daughter has difficulty articulating why she whines about school.  Taking some time to explore her feelings and then helping her name them goes a long way in defusing the whining.  It also gives her a starting place for independently brainstorming solutions to her challenges.

Lastly, an idea from another website suggests telling the occasional story from your own experience to let them know that you were once a student too, with back to school blues of your own. By that I do not mean the “When I was a kid we had to walk 20 miles uphill in the snow to get to school…” kind of stories that are a feeble and futile attempt at shaming kids into feeling grateful (I’d like to meet the child that responded with, “Wow, thanks for telling me that, I am so lucky!”). 

Stories that demonstrate that you struggled with something similar to your child’s struggle help your child to know they are not alone (the funnier the story, the better).  It does not matter if you successfully resolved the situation; in fact, sometimes that can make it worse because your story turns into a morality tale and lecture.  If communicating with your child is not your strong point, a book I am finding helpful is the classic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber. 

Eventually, I know that the blues will fade with time and routine.  In the meantime, I take a philosophical view, citing two great truths:  “This too shall pass,” and “That which does not kill me makes me stronger”—and hopefully, more organized and a better communicator.