Getting Ready for the First Sleepover

I had always thought my daughter would not be ready for sleepovers until she turned eight years old (strangely, this seems to be the magic number in my head for many milestones). So when she started asking for them when she turned six last year, I was a bit taken aback.

I had planned on staving off her attacks for at least another year, but when a close family friend asked to sleep over when her older brother went off to his first sleepover, I could not resist.  I knew she was sweet, easygoing and always got along well with my daughter. 

I also knew she was young—she was only five. Yet she had stayed overnight at her aunt’s house innumerable times and was adamant that she was ready, so we decided to give it a try. Her family only lived a mile away, so a late night pickup in the event of a change of heart was not too inconvenient.

The first sleepover for both girls turned out to be quite the learning experience for me. Here is what I learned about “premiere” sleepovers.

Reserve the night

Parents are often advised to invite only one guest on an inaugural sleepover.  I learned it is a good idea to extend this rule to the rest of the family for the duration of the sleepover.

At the last minute, I invited some friends visiting from out-of-town over for dinner.  I assumed my daughter and her friend would not even notice since they had each other to entertain. However, the bustling house, along with the noise from three additional younger kids, unnerved our overnight guest and left her feeling uneasy.

Timing is key

Additionally, our little friend happened to receive all her kindergarten shots the day before the sleepover.  Her arm was hot and swollen and she asked for Tylenol often.  She clearly did not feel well, despite her protests to the contrary.  In hindsight, rescheduling for another date probably would have been a better idea.

Chat with parents beforehand

Ask if there are any bedtime routines that would help the guest to feel more at home.  I went through my daughter’s usual brief routine, but forgot to ask about our guest’s evening rituals.  It may also be helpful to ask your guest if they would like you to linger in the room for a bit before leaving. 

Discuss how they would like to handle homesickness: does the visitor’s parent want to be called at the first sign of distress or would they like the host parent to try comforting the child to persuade them to stay?

Make sure to ask about food allergies, medications or any other health restrictions and get contact information from the parents.

Prepare both parties for the possibilities

When my daughter’s friend came downstairs, sniffling and asking for her mommy, I was not surprised.  However, I was unprepared for the sight that greeted me after we sent our guest home with her parents.

I went upstairs to say good night to my daughter, only to find her weeping uncontrollably over her aborted sleepover.  She had been so compassionate when homesickness compelled her friend to summon her parents that this display waylaid me.

As I hugged her and praised her for attending to her guest’s needs, she sobbed, “But we had so many plans!”  Although the early departure had not caught me off guard, I neglected to prepare my daughter for the inevitable.  A brief discussion prior to the evening could have prevented such despondency.

Flexibility is key

Our dear friend returned a few weeks later, convinced that she would be successful the second time around.  When homesickness reared its ugly head once again, she and her mother asked if my daughter would like to stay at their house instead.  My daughter quickly jumped at the chance and I relented. 

I waited with bated breath until midnight, wondering if I would receive a call at 2 a.m., but morning came and I received reports that the girls were enjoying breakfast.  As I hung up the phone, I felt a little wistful as I realized that yet another milestone had whizzed by.  It had not happened quite the way either of us had probably envisioned, but like all other milestones, it could only mean one thing:  my little girl was growing up.