Life is Full of Tough Choices

I am generally pretty confident about my choice to be a stay at home mom (SAHM), even when the drudgery of certain aspects of it gets to me. However, every now and then, life throws me a curve ball that makes me waver a bit in my certainty.

Last week, I was walking my seven-year-old to school and she asked me, “Mama, why don’t you dress fancy?”  At first, I did not understand what she was talking about. Then it dawned on me that she was referring to the working moms who dropped their kids off in their chic outfits and dazzling (to my daughter) high heels. I had to admit they looked pretty fancy next to me in my workout gear.

I asked her why she thought those moms dressed the way they did.  Her response? “I don’t know…maybe they don’t want to look like they just got out of bed?”  Ouch. 

I explained to her that some moms and dads work in offices that require them to dress a certain way. Some moms and dads work in places that do not require them to dress that way and they are happy because looking good is uncomfortable (this last part was unfathomable to her). For me, it would be pretty silly and impractical to dress that way for my household duties.

Then I made the mistake of asking her, “So, would you rather me dress fancy and not get to pick you up after school and spend the rest of the day with you and your brother, or would you rather me dress like this and be able to pick you up after school and help you with your homework?”  She replied, “Ooh…hmmm…that is a really hard choice.”

The next day, I wore a skirt and put on my makeup before taking her to school.

Then this week, my daughter waxed philosophical again.  “Mama, why do you do all the work and Papa gets to just play with the kids and stay in hotels by himself (my husband takes the kids on a weekly date and happened to be on a business trip in Hawaii this past weekend)?  I wish I was a man so I wouldn’t have to do all the cleaning.”

I could not decide whether to be mortified at my daughter’s conceptions of gender roles (and my contribution to them) or grateful that someone finally noticed that I actually worked my butt off as a SAHM.

So I explained to her that Papa worked too, but it was at an office where she did not see him and that he made the money we used to buy the things we needed and wanted, like the billions of Silly Bandz parading up and down her arm. 

Later on, after I was done reeling from her observations, I followed up with another conversation. I shared with her that what I do was a choice. I told her that before she was born, I worked at an office too, but when she was born, I chose time over money. I knew that by staying home, we would be giving up an extra income and I would be doing mundane housekeeping tasks, but I wanted to be there for her when she needed me. 

I also wanted her to know that when she grew up, she could be whatever she wanted to be. When the time came for her to become a mommy, she could choose whether she wanted to work and dress fancy or stay at home with her baby. She pondered this for a moment and then said gravely, “That will be a very hard decision to make.” 

Exactly.