The Shrinking Age of Innocence

Growing up in Orange County, I was one of a handful of Asians in our community.  I was the stereotypical nerd with an atypically loooong “awkward stage” from 5^th through 11^th grade.  I could not compete with the cute bouncy blonde cheerleaders, I could not dress up as Cinderella for Halloween and I could never get the cute guys, all because I did not come remotely close to meeting the cultural standard of beauty in the 1980’s—even after perming my hair.

As a result, when I eventually came into my own in college, I embarked on a personal campaign against the media’s arbitrary definitions of beauty.  When I found a decapitated Barbie doll head in the sand at Malibu, I gladly hung it from my rearview mirror in protest of the unrealistic body image she promoted and represented.

I silently cheered when Kate Hudson proudly wore a revealing dress to the Oscars, not because it was revealing, but because she was unashamed of her non-Hollywood-standard bustline.  I was ecstatic when “Shallow Hal” and Dove’s “Real Beauty” campaign were released and when Hollywood finally caught on and started casting a diversity of women in lead roles such as Queen Latifah, Lucy Liu and Zoe Saldana, I thought my daughter might have a fighting chance at avoiding a long and tortuous battle over her self-image.

Unfortunately, despite the many strides our culture has made since my awkward childhood, the battle is not over.  I fear for my daughter and the day she may no longer believe me when I tell her she is beautiful, because there is now an insidious aspect to our culture that was not present in my adolescence: the sexualization of girls.  An article I read this week brought the topic to my attention with disturbing clarity.

I first became aware of this growing trend several years ago, when I heard that a group of high school girls had been reprimanded for dressing up as the “Victoria’s Secret Angels” for Halloween.  Not only has the media taken notice, they have also observed that sexual references can be found on children’s clothing and that even dolls are dressing inappropriately these days.  As a result, it astounds me that people are surprised that  “sexting” is becoming prevalent among pre-teens and teens.

Lest you think my apprehension reflects an ultraconservative Puritanical mindset, may I remind you that the American Psychological Association (APA) has found that the consequences of this phenomenon are very real and devastating. 

According to the APA’s report in 2007, the sexualization of girls is ravaging their physical, emotional, mental and cognitive health and destroying their futures (if you disagree, I think one only needs to look to Britney Spears for the perfect case study).

I want my daughter to be free to choose who she is and will become.  This is only possible if I teach her to become conscious of what the culture and media are saying to her and to evaluate those messages against her own self-established values and beliefs. Although it is a daunting task and I am well aware I cannot insulate her from the world (nor do I want to), it is my responsibility as a thinking parent to tread carefully and intentionally into these waters.

Fortunately, I am not alone: partnerships are springing up all across the Internet to equip communities for this very task.

I am aware my efforts will probably strip me of any “cool mom” status I could ever attain and may permanently relegate me to the category of “stereotypical nerd”.  That’s fine with me…just don’t call me “Tiger Mother”.