End of the Semester Rainy Day

I'm home and I am supposed be writing a paper, but it's raining, and I've been writing long essays for the past two weeks, and my mind is not responding to my commands.

All week long I've been going to bed late, and waking up in the morning to take my child to school. I only 3 to 4 hours of sleep if I'm lucky during times like this. There's a lot to do. When I'm a professor, I will structure my classes so that the bulk of the work is done at the beginning.

My son misses me, and I want to make sure that he knows that I love him and that I'm unavailable only for now. Soon we'll both be on break and we'll have tons of time to spend together.

I do this because I remember when I was his age. I remember every broken promise, and I don't want him to grow up to feel abandoned.

The thing is, I have to do what I have to do. I need the money from financial aid to pay my rent, so I have to go full time. But that's not enough, so I also have a very part time job that helps me supplement. Some people feel like giving me free advise on how to run my life. I care about these people, so I don't say anything, but I become defensive. This is my strategy. This is how I make my dreams happen. There is no other way, I've explored them all. This is the only way it works. Loans, 16 college credits per semester, and working several hours per week.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed. There other times when things are very manageable. When I'm overwhelmed I complain. I don't like to feel like I'm whining. I think what I need is to hear "you're doing great." There's no one to give me hug when I get home.
I don't need someone else to solve my problems, or to do these things for me. Only I can write the essays, only I can raise my child. Sometimes all I need is the comforting hug of a loved one; a partner in crime who understands what I'm going through and supports me emotionally.

I thought I had found that person. He's not talking to me now. I miss him.