Laguna Beach Sister City Association: Making “Poor” Choices?

Laguna Beach Sister City Association: Making “Poor” Choices?

The last time I attended a Laguna Beach City Council meeting was in September of 2008. It was to announce and inform both the Council and residents about the yearly California Coastal Cleanup Day activities we (Clean Water Now! Coalition) administer for the Cal Coastal Commission.

Consider me a recovering “council-holic,” unregretful and without remorse, I haven’t returned because frankly anything they (or their sycophants) didn’t think up, organize or can control they have a lot of trouble embracing or endorsing, let alone placing on the agenda. If it’ll get them more votes? Fine. If it makes them or the City look bad?  Forgetaboutit.

When I need a really good laugh or am fighting insomnia, these meetings can be inadvertently hysterical or outright snoozers. One of the reasons I stopped attending, albeit a minor irritation, was the absurd selection of Menton, France as a sister city in 2008.

It’s a foregone conclusion that our Council usually feigns interest and enthusiasm in most things before it, perhaps that Menton choice was due to the stereotypically snobbish French attitude that finds anyone or anything non-native as boring? Our Council really has that superior, down-the-nose attitude in common, right down to a yawning science.

After having observed this particular proposal through the media and also over the course of several LBCC meeting presentations, the final selection seemed to be, VOILA! Whattayaknow? A foregone conclusion, a done deal.

I’m still confused that although “City Council approved,” it is difficult to track just where the funding for the Laguna Beach Sister City Association (LBSCA) comes from or who is influencing whom. There’s more cross-pollination and co-mingling as to boggle.

I know that the Laguna Beach Visitors Bureau gets a big chunk of the bed tax revenue and that the special, minority interests they represent and lobby for are the privately owned hotels and restaurants. I’m not convinced or so sure if that “A rising tide lifts all boats” logic really trickles any significant money or advantages to the general residential population.

Nor do I necessarily believe that our summers are improved, more fun, because we keep bringing in more people to crowd our beaches, ocean, streets, sidewalks and favorite places. Now we’re being over-run by sharks (constantly circulating taxicabs) and of course yet more traffic gridlock—as if we didn’t have enough. Those free trolleys that are running us into the red ink? They are slower than walking most days.

Go to the LBSCA website and although a separate non-profit, it seems to be an thinly-veiled appendage or extension of the Laguna Beach Visitor’s Bureau (LBVB) upscale marketing strategy. IT looks and quacks like a sister to the LBVB. That “City Council approved” wording also lends credence to intrigue, motive and manipulation by a select few at City Hall behind closed doors.

Menton, meanwhile, was the only candidate that was presented during my observations, apparently (Sacre Bleu et Mon Dieu!) running unopposed. It has historically been a very expensive playground for the extremely wealthy and entitled Europeans. Unless you’re a Rothschild or Windsor, wassup with that?

Beaucoup nobility, ditto for the large private chalets and estates that surround the city. Yeah, definitely “noblesse oblige,” they're obliged to live secure, away from the teeming masses, privately behind gated fences—so they have that in common with Irvine Cove, Emerald Bay, Smithcliffs, Lagunita, Blue Lagoon and Three Arch Bay. I guess those communities house our ruling class?

Gee, stupid me, I thought that here in America our 1%-ers are relatively “nouveau riche,” so “au contraire,” I was trying to ascertain just how the dominant population of Laguna was compatible with old world European money.

Last I checked the stats, our demographic had moved a skosh in that direction but not significantly so. As a classic, quintessential combo surf and art colony, these two trades (not their promoters) are not big income earners nor big spenders, don’t lead extravagant, ostentacious or garish lifestyles.

There’s no surf or surfing community there, so we definitely don’t have that in common. True commoners, the LB hoi-polloi, can’t afford to visit there so how are we gonna get them to wear flip-flops, Hawaiian shirts and jams, exclaim habitually  “I’m stoked. Cowabunga! Very cool, dude” from our end, get ‘em hooked on SoCal hip?

On the other hand, their clothing optional beaches and briefest of bikinis (men & women) could cause an uptick in visits to Laguna Beach chiropractic offices upon returning, so maybe not all is wasted.

I checked, and a 1-week stay for two, including airfare, moderately-priced hotel with no kitchen for in-room meals, and car rental is about $5,000. This doesn’t include those usual ancillary expenses, like meals and memorabilia while in Menton. As savvy travelers know, those meal expenditures (in transit and in situ) can be large for even small portions.   

Listening to the faux aristocratic proponents at LBCC butcher away in attempts to lipsynch French (I am semi-fluent), it was very painful and difficult to not laugh at the affected promotional discussions as well.

Hello? We, the riff-raff “Let-Them-Eat-Cake” folks wish to share with the LBSCA and Council something: French WAS the lingua franca, the language of court, commerce and diplomacy throughout the Western world. It’s now either (a) dead or (b) dying, like the British Empire that particular sun has set long along. France or things French aren’t as relevant, most of the colonies they conquered refuse to speak the language today if possible.

Their heyday was the 18th century. In fact, there are very powerful forces in France that repeatedly try to keep English or other non-native verbiage out of the French colloquialisms, block outside cultural context genetic strains as if invading microbes, protecting their unique “memes.”

So what is this City Council stealthy limb up to recently? One sibling wasn’t enough, now they’re looking for another one:

“Having solidified the Menton relationship, LBSCA is considering an alliance with another sibling city. “We’re always looking for that opportunity,” said (President) Karyn Philippsen. A city in Russia, as (LBHS French teacher Odile) Dewar also speaks Russian, is not out of the question.”  (Source: LB Independent, November 5, 2011, reporter Jennifer Erickson)

That “oo la la” quote “Less is More” (think bikini and lingerie, and stop drooling guys) by architect Mies van der Rohe does apply. But why is more of something necessarily better except for those who profit, become fiscally enriched and politically empowered by it?

Who said irony died on 9/11? The language at court in Czarist Russia was French, and St. Petersburg (temporarily named Leningrad by the Communist Party) might be a candidate. It is known and valued for its treasure trove of French-influenced art and architecture, perhaps that’s our second Sister City target?  

And can’t we just turn our heads regarding brutish communism and the repression of religion and race over there long enough to progress the agenda of a select few, the privileged minority, female-dominated working group in charge of the local Sister City strategy?

It’s actually cheaper to go there than Menton, about $4,000 a week for two people, plus car rental in one of those clunky, quirky and always breaking down Russian-made vehicles notwithstanding. As long as you don’t mind secret agents on your car or taxi’s bumper, hidden microphones in your room, questionable food sources, pollution rampant, etc. that comes with a remaining inculcated dictatorship in a police state.

On the other hand, we do have lots in common: The proletariat, just like ours, is ignored as if non-existent and marginalized by the feudal overlords. They can’t afford the frivolous expenses to travel much either, probably be disallowed anyway by a paranoid government afraid of foreign asylum, unlike those free white Menton residents just chaffing at the bit to come here.

I did have one year of Russian long ago and took a lot of art appreciation classes. If and when a Russian city comes up as a candidate at a LBCC meeting, I’m prepared.

I’ll open a bottle of Stolichnaya vodka, pour a double shot, play the depressing dirge of “The Siege of Leningrad” by composer Shostokovich, put my feet up and laugh my ass off watching them tackle this one. ‘Cause I think that we’re under siege and it’ll only get worse. Maybe we call them our Comrade Brother City, probably not safe for visiting women to travel and walk the streets there, and we chauvinist pig males are getting short shrift in this mess, aren’t we?  

I’ll mumble “Horosho, ochen horosho” (Good, very good) throughout or should I write “horrorshow”? Hopefully, it’ll be DOA as in “Do svidanya” (Good-bye).

The LBSCA must be grasping at straws, getting lonely and desperate because I don’t hear or see too many French people pouring Euros into our tourist coffers. And if you leave out that snotty pastry Nazi whose name I refuse to mention, just how many exclusively French or Russian cuisine spots do you see in Laguna?

Someone once told me that about only 100 people really ran this City for the betterment of basically 200 special interest capitalists and politicians. Ambrose Bierce said that politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage. The LBSCA might be one of them in disguise.