Downtown Specific Plan: How 450 Units Will Become 675. What "If 6 Turns Out To Be 9" Jimi Hendrix

Get Out The Funk, Welcome All Of You Royal Plastic People!

This is all so wrong: We WANT The Funk, Give Us The Funk, We NEED the funk!

3 of those seats on the CC dais need red-tagging, like the trees, only this Fall, R & R (Remove & Replace). They can't be fixed. FUBAR.

The dais is empty in the photo because they're all in one of many joint, closed session confabs lately, cooking up more lies. And let's be real: There are lies of OMISSION and then lies of COMMISSION. They commit both often.

Every CC meeting, note the admission of numerous ex parte (private) convos with the culprits sending the good ship Laguna-pop to the bottom asap. 75% are either BOD members of the Chamber of Commerce and/or Visit Laguna Beach.

The other 25% split between the LBCC fluffers and some folks with good intentions, but how many are unreported, huh?

Having all of OUR gold, in charge of making the rules, WE are screwed unless 3 are refused a return. That's if all 3 incumbents run.

By December when LBCC is sworn in, they may have signed so many contracts, purchase agreements, promissory notes, MOUs, etc. it may be too late.

Having been involved in the development and/or analyses of Programmatic and Master EIRs, the basic principles of Forward Planning have been ignored. The DSP Phase II Programmatic EIR should have been as it states: A phased approach, yet The Promenade is actually an unnamed Phase I.

Jumping an orderly phased algorithm, this the first of sequential/piece-meal filings (illegal per CEQA), finding ways to avoid public scrutiny to the Maximum Extent Possible (MEP), robbing our Forest Ave. merchants of revenue in broad daylight, these are not trustworthy people.

A keystone (indispensable/foundational) element isn't even mentioned, one I'll leave out pending later revelation. Maybe after candidacy forms have been completed, it would be more appropriate.

The Promenade unfairly gave advantage, jump-started the PEIR really, and what an auspicious one at that.

As The Big Dig in Boston proved, once started, the hole is dug, there seems no going back. The Midnight Massacre of the trees was an ill omen, a message from the political corruption gods.

The Promenade in DSP Phase II (meh), should have been proposed as the FINAL, not first phase. If at all. And like a burrito, the folding, the Final PEIR voted on en masse FIRST, equitably and justly by the electorate, the LBCC forced to make that vow, establishing that compact via the will of the people, by the people and for the people.

Where all residents of voting age waded in (we have an ≈37% renter occupied housing units town), determined our future---Not that GD stinking "mo fo" melded "CCCV." (keep reading)

Downtown will soon become the bloated domain of soulless, socially apathetic, homogeneous and pasteurized tourists.....bringing them in ever-increasing droves by our consumerism-driven, pretentious, inauthentic, fake, counterfeit, phony, disingenuous, colluding City Council (LBCC), Chamber of Commerce and Visit Laguna Beach.

Traffic jams no longer ephemeral but normalized. The only salve or balm is knowing that while we're home they (the hordes) will be driving around in circles cursing, polluting our air and in gridlocked scrums, foraging for parking within 1/2 a mile of their destination------like a monk seeking vehicular nirvana.

George Weiss via his sub-stack has posted a lot of updated FYI stuff you should monitor. Excellent education resource and pulse of Laguna clearinghouse. The urgency he and others express there is real. Wake up and smell your own coffee, btw.

Like Mad Max, "it's dying time" (2 go in, 1 comes out) but this struggle's winner is looking pre-ordained because of the insidious posse already formed. We're battling with an army that's got unlimited funds and tentacles everywhere.

In lieu of a better abbreviation for this cabal, the one that's using OUR own money as a lethal weapon against us, I've branded it CCCV.

Downtown bandidos today via the DSP Phase II, but other reformacione projects in the hopper. That's what conquistadores do: They completely wipe out remnants of prior eras.

Disguised, pretending to be sensitive to long held core values, they're really modern day Philistines, materialists. That's what career politicians are too, parasitic.

And it must be a prerequisite to membership: Or at least career bureaucraps anyway. Cause these people can both dish out the dookie and eat it by the plateful.

Let's call this cannibalistic cabal in toto as it engorges itself and feasts on the body formerly know as Laguna, "CCCV" for convenience. Which translated is basically Laguna R.I.P.

Seems our LBCC is more of a THEIR adjunct, THEIR eager symbiotic flunkies, our residents mere after-thoughts. Otherwise, why didn't they let US decide what we we wanted on Forest, if anything changed at all? From their perspective, it was intended to be the beginning of the end, wasn't it?

Viewing the IRS literature, see the reason why LBCC people shouldn't be on this BOD? Let alone 2 of them + Asst. CM/CFO Gavin Curran, thus over 25% and THE 1 who handles, directs and disperses our $$$, its destinations?

Are we going off the rails on CCCV's "Crazy Train" or what? Whodathunkit? Like in the original King Kong, when Robert Armstrong says that it wasn't the airplanes that killed him: It was that beauty Fay Wray, that damsel in distress.

Covid seemed temporary, but was permanent, worse for a small community like ours, maybe not individually health-wise. It brought out the COMMERCE FIRST leeches and vultures, carrion-feeders, foraging among the weak and ill, the wounded, effected for exploitation.

Gotta wonder how many commercial real estate bottom feeders were at work like burrowing worms?

The CCCV used Covid as cover, a short term problem for Forest Ave. but a long term, hastily-erected-become-permanent solution implemented that got the specter, the shadow of CCCV, like a traveling salesman's foot, in the door.

We didn't see the precursors, the first building blocks being delivered like the named, designated commerce Districts or those way-finding signs, but we should have. The signs were, ya know, like it says: A sign.

In Dante's Inferno, supposedly above the Gates of Hell is a sign that reads "Surrender All Hope, Ye Who Enter." We're already beginning to feel that way now. The CCCV isn't going to solve that problem, they're going to create others or exacerbate many existent ones for their profit.

Our city is quickly losing its identity, morphing into the Whore of Babylon.: Are we a real estate investment brokerage on a buying spree, having shifted from resident-serving to "High End Commerce First & Foremost. Residents, A Distant Last?" An amusement park for high rollers?

Via the DSP going to be very fertile, lucre-ative ground for commercial real estate speculation? Help our millionaires become more obscenely rich? Main donors to the CCCV staff retirement funds?

A former surfer's kicked back casual vibe paradise meets artist's colony kinda place or a tourist trap, like Anaheim foretold by the Disneyland type way-finding signs?

Fake appreciation of our art and cultural history, all the better to "bait the market," the kind of "stewards" honeypot, souvenir-stall superficiality they respond to.

Twisting the sage thoughts of lady French erotica writer and infamously Henry Miller's lover Anais Nin, they refuse to see things the way WE are but only the way THEY are.

And let's put that "Oh, the poor snowflakes, poor little dears are afraid of change" BS to bed, shall we? Two DOOKIE DOODZ losers (LBCC Chambers, vaseline hoarding fluffers) keep alleging that. This isn't about fear, it's about losing a loved one.

While the CCCV is busy sending us into bankruptcy (and in closed session with their co-conspirators) why not fugly corporate-sponsored billboards? Illuminated at night? Sell strategic space for a premium at our 3 entrances? Coming and going. Think Blade Runner.

They're a triad, in a 3-way, and yes in a kind of incestuous, inappropriate relationship. All of this "tired, wrinkled old Laguna needs an extreme rebranded makeover" is just BS.

You don't leave your spouse because they age. Unless of course you don't REALLY love them to begin with, do you?

These two 501 c 6's are now visibly "fleecing" our City, and have willing sheep on staff too. The LBCC members are complicit, gladly and willing, no need for a leash-----pouring money and subsidies into their pockets. Via taxes, TOT, and no doubt "dark money," the $$$ that just goes in circles, recycled.

There is a Godfather Mafia business plan or revenue model underlying all of this, millionaires you know the names of, lords of commerce, these Dons get the biggest split. The entire grift is one giant FLEECE!

The Downtown Specific Plan Phase II is a ginormous scam, primarily the DNA of CCVP converting it. If Frankenstein was transformative, then I guess it can be called that. The reality is it's transactional.

Just the thought of how bad it's gonna be for what I'll call"The Truly Laguna Tribe" (TTLT) is disheartening. And when the Dons (fluffers who buy vaseline in bulk) show up at key junctures, it's closing time.

We'll need to "86" their LBCC meat puppets at the ballot box this November: Like cutting them off from the boozy feel of power and tossing these Nietzschean drunks out of office. They are after all spending like the veritable drunken sailor on leave.

The lobbying rights that 501 c 6's & their minions hold are face cards. As I keep pointing out, they'll be using our own money, house money, to ensure their dynasty continues.

8 more years of these profligates, these Philistine rulers, their extravagant, reckless, lavish and unnecessary expenditures (Forest didn't need a total R & R), and Laguna will no longer exist. Prices will soar.

And it has the complicity of the City's consultants, plus the usual suspects, the LBCC fluffers: City Hall pilot fish who can tell you the difference between an ass-kisser and a brown noser. Distance.

And the stores, once the LBCC has squeezed out all of former merchants, especially those when combined and converged gave Downtown it's traditional funkiness, a large element of why people came here to begin with to shop or live?

They'll be filled with upscale, affluent types seeking luxurious goods and services which will more closely resemble "influent" (flowing, street clogging influx of vehicular sewage).

I think we all know and must accept that either we were born and raised here (or nearby), in a tourist trap, or moved to one. I bet most would tolerate sharing: Weekends (weather permitting) and high season constitute about 1/2 of the days.

I will in a later column, putting my construction hard hat back on, explain why this is going to be like Chinese water torture: Prolonged, protracted, somewhere Downtown is going to be a fairly large "under construction" site or perhaps worse, several smaller, widely spread ones.

Cumulatively this could be worse, and the impact upon our streets over such a prolonged period might require several re-paving contracts: Which we as a City will have to underwrite, not to mention the inconvenience.

I love the smell of bitumen fumes (paving and patching hydrocarbons) in the morning, it reminds me of the smell of victory. Doesn't it you?

More deception: I'll give you proof that as the city said a lot of the units can be 2-story? EZ PZ? I think any reasonable builder can tell you: Most existing will have to be taken down to the foundation or further/deeper, slabs torn up.

Oh goody, I like the sound of jackhammers in the morning too, so do our (where'd they go?) birds. Another thing lost, predictably so.

Turns out like lawyers, know when you can tell when the LBCC and staff are lying? Their lips move.

It's going to be noisy, dusty, gridlocked weekdays and not just early am or late pm: Peak local commuter hours. That old favorite cut-through (Forest) no longer an option to alleviate vehicular circulation or parking distress.

Large, noisy, heavy-duty trucks I might add, belching diesel fumes. Fair weather? Bring in the teeming hordes as long as they blow their wad buying $25 coffee and a bagel, $50 on a drink and appetizer afternoons, $100/plate food + $$$ libations at the trendoid eateries that'll eventually supplant our old stores.

Oh, get in fights after bars close (or open, we're an =oportunity kinda place), pee and in some cases drop a deuce in our yards around the clock, buy/sell/use drugs openly, jeopardizing lives by causing traffic accidents. Thus putting yet more stress on those who actually serve and protect us (police, fire and marine safety).

Being a natural amphitheater, between weekday excessive noise and those visitors at night on weekdays, then all weekend and holidays, locals may eventually give up Downtown foraging altogether.

Don't be fooled by the death rictus (horrifying corpse grimace), painted on 24/7/365 smiles by the CCCV posse. Born here? Migrated 50 years ago? But have you got $$$, lots of $$$ you'll spread around? Oh, then you're welcome to stay.

Those soooo pro-total makeover wing nuts seem to have a lack of total recall: Many visitors come here (especially weekend day trippers, weekend warriors who buy, rent or lease a 2nd residence) for DA EFFING FUNK. One recent casualty, DiZZ's, got lots of "hate to see YOUR FUNK GO!" coverage.

Oh, now it's my turn to forget----CCCV will insinuate high end tourists because it's the 909ers or people from other, basically casual lifestyle cities you elitists DON'T want here, isn't it?

The PEIR SS on 2/04, led by the faux-paternal CM and a lying developer Mayor who claimed to have converted (born again as a conscientious and an indigenous species of TTLT), are lying along the march rife with them towards adaptation of the PEIR for the DSP II.

The Bogus Stated Goals, More Lies Explained

Per the metaphor, 2 shoes dropped the night of 2/04 @ the SS, i. e., the BIG lies: Like a one-hit wonder Band, the Mayor and CM both declared that this option (all of the 277 affordable and 394 Regional Housing Units needed were in the DSP Phase II 115 acres), was the only option.

The City had exhausted its search for an alternative or alternatives when totaled. No explanation, where'd they get that we asked ourselves? I was watching/listening via ZOOM.

Second, backed up by the PEIR draftee vendor's spokesperson (3 project stooges in Chambers), the DSP would be capped at 450 units. He claimed that although "modeled" for 675 (50% more--125 units), calm down, they had no intention of increasing that inventory # hence Downtown density.

Hard to tell: Are they that stoopid or do they think that we are, have no professional land use analysts like myself in our midst? Veterans of previous wars with this phony protectionist City?

I'm FOFLOL, local SM forwarded to me indicate that the CCCV and their flunky fluffers are now saying "See, starting at Forest, a lot of injuries and lives lost were avoided if they hadn't leveled the street."

The fact that they hadn't performed ordinary, simple, common sense due diligence demonstrates the degree of incompetence to being with.

More Bad News: PEIRs can be addended or amended, and to go into more detail than I did in a previous column: The classic workaround used by development proponents will be in play. This is why it's turning out to be a tough sled for those not in the trade so to speak.

Leveraging what's called the "fair argument standard," one or both of those doors can be opened, the City can plead that changes need to be made due to "known or unknowable conditions."

This a a variation on Defense Secretary Rumsfeld's hilarious statement about going to war with Iraq. Feeling kinda deja vu all over again right about now?

"There are known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns." So don't shoot the messenger, but unless a Tiger Team PAC is willing to litigate, the City holds all of the DSP cards.

A PAC and attendant campaign war chest should be considered, beyond candidate donations. Per my promises, that's my next column. Or are you gonna "waste your summer praying in vain for a savior to rise from these streets," "Waiting for Godot?"

Scroll down to a SS Excerpt in bold italics, note that a lot of it is non-binding, vague. Complicating things more is that by CEQA regs, the City can (post-Final EIR circulation and certification) subsequently amend/adend the document simply.

Being the local lead agency they can notice then hold a hearing, but declare the increase valid claiming the changes are not significant in impact(s).

Having had our anointed, rubber-stamping Planning Commission approve it first (they too are LBCC fluffers, duh), eventually an additional 125 units a done deal based upon the modeling. Now we're at 675.

These Subsequents can be titled as separate Mitigated Negative Declarations (MND) APPEARING kosher but are being snuck under the public inspection tent curtain or radar.

Then a Subsequent Final PEIR is filed. (I know, I lived in a world of abbreviations and acronyms for 30 years).

Alternatively, have our planners and vendors declare the increases have no additional impacts above/beyond the existing 450 unit offering, mitigations already adequate. End of discussion, done deal. 675.

No hearing or subsequent document needing circulation, notifications to responsible agencies or public. Review and file, a non-action (votable) item. Administrative, ministerial.

"The Program EIR for this review under CEQA, is designed to allow future residential projects in the DSP area to tier from the EIR, up to a maximum of 450 new residential units. The unit range analyzed (450 to 675 units) reflects the understanding that market conditions and individual property owner interest will influence where residential development occurs, and that some planning areas may experience greater demand for residential construction than others. For purposes of the EIR analysis, a residential unit range has been established and allocated across the planning areas, as shown in Exhibit 1.6, Residential Yield. The areas with greater potential residential unit yields, based on land area and the proposed density standards, were assigned greater shares than areas that could accommodate fewer units. The upper boundary of 675 units is solely an analytical assumption used for modeling purposes. The Program EIR will establish a firm cap of 450 units, and the City will be responsible for monitoring to ensure that the total number of approved residential units is tracked and does not exceed this limit without additional environmental review."

Go back and read it again in light of what I wrote above it. The 450 is NOT a "firm cap." The CEQA regs allow increases, protocols and procedures that can be exploited.

The City controls the flow chart and implementation, citizens with little or formal training, professional expertise are forced into trusting the City to do the right thing.

The Association of Environmental Professionals are a reliable resource, they try to post CEQA Updates on a yearly basis. Don't pay, they're workarounds----might want to download and archive. Just sayin'.

For amendments, there are strict protocols, policies and procedures, timeframe limitations for the adoption process, so the public MUST closely track it.

Petitioning for interested party status and getting a formal confirmation from the lead agency of that notification list achievement helps. Usually the challenge period is 180 days.

Or punch into your search engine CEQA PEIR ADDENDA and/or AMENDMENTS. Don't believe me, wtf, see if I care.

https://www.califaep.org/docs/CEQA_Handbook_2026_rev031926_Updated.pdf

The actual statutes or regs don't put a time frame on changes, it's basically allowing the local lead agency free rein. The local lead agency determines what additional enviro-review is adequate, sufficient.

What are "Potentially Significant Impacts" requiring mitigation? Can the proponent mitigate below that PSI standard or level (impacts nil)? Is the NO PROJECT alternative better, meaning no sound reasons to implement it or key elements?

Might The Promenade element have fit in that category, have been off-ramped, parked so to speak (couldn't resist)?

Litigating one's own City or governance gets criticized and socialized. Negatively spun and sensationalized by City Hall. Then whomever sues is axiomatically demonized as wearing the black hat.

MSM interviews become de facto zero sum game "Thunderdomes," preludes. Not that MSM, especially local outlets run by low paid generalist interns or their equivalent, have little if any knowledge of the issues.

Even if the lead agency loses, they admit no blame or guilt and MSM usually dwell on that aspect. IMHO, MSM are indirectly complicit, but people tend to drift towards their fiduciary, historical authenticity role. That's so yesterday.

Today, it's about ad space revenue so the MSM put little distance between themselves and governance propaganda. Often MSM just re-word Public Service Announcements and Press Releases, the reporters ingratiate to stay special.

"The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words you can control the people who must use the words." Philip K. Dick

If you're dreading 450 new units, can't fathom that scenario build out, 50% more (675) will be a nightmare. Be there a fire or flood, 50% more cars clogging Downtown? One can well imagine 50% more parked cars unable to even move, evacuate.

Anyone in the insurance industry know if indemnification skyrockets, how much to cover that kind of urban nightmare? Will our municipal intensification be used against us, ordinary, willful/wanton gross or contributory negligence?

Who wants to bet that if asked in open session at a LBCC meeting, we're told not to worry, we got you?

OTOH, think about it: These LBCC members always claim at election time how much they love Laguna. Prove it. Pull the plug now. Take those 2 LBCC members off of the VLB BOD. The optics suck major.

The Triad, the threesome now running this place is the LBCC, those leeches at the Chamber of Commerce and Visit Laguna Beach. Find and vote for 3 candidates who want that relationship more distant, at arm's length and not this intimate.

For many of us, our residency is a long term marriage, a love affair, we've met our soulmate. You don't like it here, wanna brand us in your image, our stores and company you not us prefer keeping?

Ruben Flores nailed it by uttering what we're all thinking and said: We don't need or want making over in YOUR image. You don't accept or like the way we are, WTF don't you move?

De-Fund Da FuuuuuLEECE!

Then Get The Funk Out!

Really, Who Are You, Who The F Are You? Let's fade with Van Halen's appropriate "When It's Love"