Restoring the Inner Child: The key to finding success in the real world.

Restoring the Inner Child: The key to finding success in the real world.

Inner Child. A term popularized by psychologists in the 70s and 80s. A phrase often associated with hippies and “feel gooders” that don't live in the real world. A term so often used to describe the softer, more emotional side in each of us. That the work used to access the inner child is not for a person that is pragmatic; that to succeed in the world today all sensitivity must be pushed to the side and we must focus on strength and toughness in order to get what we want.

I don't know if the stereotypes are true. I don't know if one needs to be “soft” in life in order to get in touch with their inner child. I don't know if one can be a powerful CEO while also becoming more sensitive. I do know I am not a hippie and I have not hugged a tree since college. I also know that I have never known anybody more happy than a truly ecstatic child. When I see a child bite into a cookie and smile and giggle, I want that happiness.

The key to knowing your inner child is striving to experience that happiness again. You need to know there is a part of you that can feel unrestrained and unqualified joy. You can delight in the taste of a cookie. You can laugh and laugh hard. You have the ability to look through life with the wonderment and curiosity of a child. If someone told you that these benefits could be yours, wouldn't that keep you listening for a little while?

At this point in the article you may be thinking that I misled you. That somehow you would be able to get all the material things you desire and get in touch with your inner child. How can a person that is so amazed and happy with the little things in life have any sort of motivation to buy big cars and run billion dollar corporations? I don't know if they can. I do know that once a person has experienced the joy, the pure elation that comes with being with your inner child, then that becomes your motivation. Chase that feeling.

Now, what the hippies seldom talked about was the need for balance. That there are amazing moments where you can admire a sunset for what appears to be an endless amount of time, and there are also moments when hard work is important. However, with the recognition of the inner child and that happiness, the motivation for work is different. The motivation centers around finding an inner happiness. For instance, you can work hard and make your way up the corporate ladder in order to get off at 5 o'clock to see the sunset. Or we push to provide for a family so that you can experience mutual joy. There are moments where we need to work hard to get what we want and that is okay, as long as we do not neglect our inner child.

There are practical steps you can take for understanding your inner child. Keep in mind that these are baby steps on what can be a long journey towards better getting to know yourself. Hopefully these tips will give you a taste of understanding the inner you, and that you will thirst to better understand your inner child:

• Practice positive self-talk centered around acceptance - Saying things to yourself such as “it is okay to be angry,” “It is okay that I did not get the work project done on time,” “it is okay to be single.” The inner child wants acceptance. Quite often the inner child holds our greatest insecurities. Therefore, letting the inner child know that you accept him/her allows him/her to feel more comfortable.

• Find a picture of you as a child - Quite often a your inner child will have the character of you when you were a child. Often the picture of you as a child stimulates that inner youth.

• Buy a coloring book - Adult coloring books are popular for a reason. That reason is that they are simple and fun. As adults, our “fun” can be complicated and involve intricate plans and plenty of money. Much of the time, a child can have fun coloring, playing sports or just running around. A simple activity can help you make your inner child happy.

I hope these help you - This is the first step towards greater happiness. In my experience as a therapist, I have seen clients make great strides when they practice inner child work.

Have fun.

My name is Ryan Ruiz and I am a psychotherapist at Better Life Counseling, in Laguna Hills, CA.

I counsel individuals, Couples, and Families

Phone number 949-289-3276

email ryanruizmft@gmail.com