Life's messes are the best teachers

Think about the last time you were a complete mess.


When I start working with new clients or when workshop participants are being compassionately honest about what’s causing dissatisfaction in their lives – they often sigh heavily and state:

I’m such a mess.

I can’t believe how messed up I am.

How did stuff get so messed up in my life?

Ugh, life can get so messy.

I’m done having things be so messed up.


You know who else was a mess – and serves as a great example of how to work your way through a mess?


Iron Man! (Well, the actor Robert Downey, Jr.)


He started his career in the 1970s and hit a successful stride in the 1980s. He was a household name on the teen scene and dating some notable Hollywood starlets (like Sarah Jessica Parker!). Movies were plentiful and he played a variety of roles and won some respected awards for his work. Robert was winning.


And then the mid-90s hit – and so began Robert’s messy period. He battled his addiction to drugs. He was fired from jobs. He was incarcerated. He went from a respected actor to a has been gracing the cover of tabloids.


Oh Robert!


Then came the cleanup and rebuild period for the soon to be Iron Man.


Robert Downey Jr. sought treatment, reworked his lifestyle, set up the proper support structures, and got back to work. He took on smaller music, stage, and movie roles. He created opportunities by using his musical talents. He took his time getting back to his superstar status – by learning from his messy period.


Approximately 5 years after his rebuild period started, Robert emerged as Iron Man and continues to do bigger and bolder things each year.



So think back to the last time you were a complete mess.


Cleaning out a closet or desk is messy. You take everything out, analyze it, categorize it, purge, and rearrange. When you feel like you are in a messy period, also known as a transition, think about emerging triumphant like Iron Man (or another preferred hero). Be okay with making a mess while you rest, seek help, get support, pause, and rearrange some things. Use mistakes, accomplishments, and discomfort as a guide.



Apply these 4 steps to support your messy moments:


Map out what's going well for you. This is better than making a linear list. You'll be able to see connections between things going on and where the disconnect or dissatisfaction shows up. (mind map example)


Examine the areas that are causing the most discomfort. As you look at your map, you will have a better lens on the areas that need your most attention so you can work on untangling your messy area.


Start a list of immediate changes or shifts you need to make. Be creative and write down a variety of possibilities. It is good to stretch yourself to think bigger and bolder during a messy period.


Select one of the changes and begin working on it. You only need to tackle one mess at a time. Try working on a smaller mess and then move on to a medium sized one. Teach yourself to be confident as you navigate your transition or mess. Be your own Iron Man.


Are you working through a messy area in your life right now? How are you supporting yourself? What are you learning from the messy process?