Admitting The Exact Nature of Our Wrongs

It's been a couple of weeks since my last blog, Taking Stock of Ourselves, Part 2, the fourth step of the 12-step addiction recovery program as explained in Alcoholics Anonymous.

In fact, all addiction recovery programs are similar. They all have the same fourth step, and I still have a little bit of my character defect of procrastination left over. But I've been busy. I've been thinking about how best to explain the importance of moving on to the next step after we've put our finger on our weaknesses.

We're working on a new attitude and a new relationship with our Creator, uncovering and discovering the obstacles in our path. Admitting to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, we're casting off our old selves and clothing ourselves with a new way of life.

We're starting over, but not by ourselves this time. Now we'll have our Higher Power to guide us. We're throwing away the old inventory of "self will run riot." We can never go back and try to re-use this old defective inventory. I've had enough of the old self, the crashing and burning, the problems brought on by uncontrollable drinking and using, the broken promises, compromises, broken relationships, broken dreams.

Before I was half way through this 12-step process, I had a glimpse of what was to come. Being comfortable in my own skin is an understatement. More like a new freedom and a new happiness, indeed, the old compulsions of my old self were lifted off like a big weight off my shoulders.

It didn't matter if I was at a party and other people were perhaps overdoing it, the old craving was gone. It can be a slippery situation for some, but I could see for myself, recounting the cost of my old behavior, this was not what I wanted. More important in the big picture, not what my Higher Power has in mind for me either.

I'm not sure what His plan is for me, but it's number one now. So, on with the show. A business doesn't hold onto old, defective inventory. It needs to be discarded. "A solitary self-appraisal insufficient," (AA) I've shared with my close friend and AA sponsor a "fearless and thorough moral inventory," which kept me on the road to recovery and a "new freedom and a new happiness." Was it perfect? No. I've done more soul searching and writing since.

In discussing ourselves with another person we see "good reasons for doing so," not the least of which it has kept me clean and sober. This humbling experience kept me from dwelling in the past nor regretting it.

We are buying into a new inventory of doing things, AKA the rest of the steps. And the best reason for doing this step? I don't want to get drunk or high and stay in the addiction. This is akin to going to a priest with our confession, we are already admitting to ourselves where we have fallen short, God already knows, so find that special someone and do what the step says. That way your past will become your greatest asset, not something condemned to be repeated.

Has anyone really unloaded all this stuff on some cab driver as I've heard? Talk about the unwitting anonymous. We were entirely honest with somebody and there was no thunderclap. We "pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator." 

Reflecting and meditating on what we've accomplished, we thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better, a forgiving spirit who's given me the power to overcome in the first place.

Now, we're ready for the sixth step. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. We don't want to hang on to any of these "worst items in stock." Amen?