Taking Stock of Ourselves, Part 1

Merriam-Webster defines addiction as: "The quality or state of being addicted. Compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal. Persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful."

We already covered a little ground dealing with this subject in my first two blog posts, "To Quit or Not to Quit?" and "Are You Willing To Go To Any Lengths?"

We've began learning about the Alcoholics Anonymous' basic 12-step program and how it works. I went through this recovery program myself and I know it works.

I've been clean and sober since 1976. I can tell you from my own experience there were countless attempts to quit, swear off, go on the wagon, try to control the "beast," but I could not. I had found it too hard to handle myself.

I thought I would be making progress but then I'd fall back and drink or use worse than before.

The Bible of 12-step programs, AA, says we're in the grip of a progressive disease. It gets worse, never better.

I drank this way from day one, looking to control and enjoy the drinking like other people, but I'm wired differently than other people. Bodily and mentally, as they say in the program. It's a physical allergy and a mental obsession. "Without help of some kind, this will probably kill me," I kept thinking.

It's a turning point that one has to take. Do I listen to family and friends, or turn my back on them?

I remember making the decision to go to a meeting without a nudge from the judge and that's when things began to get better. There was a friendly feeling and no pressure in the meetings, only acceptance and support from fellow alcoholics and later from addicts in Narcotics Anonymous.

I started listening and learning about the program, meeting other people. It was suggested I try working the program. I wouldn't be writing this blog post today if I hadn't followed these simple steps to recovery.

Which brings me to the fourth step, taking stock of ourselves. A "searching and fearless moral inventory."

We set pen to paper and could see right away the selfishness, the denial, the fears, the anxiety, the willfulness of the addiction seemed to win out somehow.

This was not the life my Higher Power wanted for me. Anger and resentment would take control of my life. I did not grow, instead I would "shut down" and not face facts.

My father used to say that talking to me was like talking to a brick wall. Behavior in my childhood stunted my growth into a healthy whole adult.

I had some good character traits, too, which should be counted: creative, friendly, funny, loving, respectful. I would "shoot myself in the foot" by cutting corners or bending the law.

I had problems with rigorous honesty.

The fourth step is also about getting in touch with yourself, which will lead you into a new life of freedom and happiness.

We must be on guard for a sudden urge of self will that could ruin our progress.

Remember, we're turning our lives over to our Higher Power. "Thy will, not mine, be done."