Did You Ever Hear the One About the "Golden Screw?"

I was checking out some other blogs on the internet  and I found this interesting retelling of an old joke of which I heard many variants in my zit filled, over-homoned teen age years.  See if it's familiar to you:

A couple has a baby with a strange birth defect – a golden screw stuck in his belly button. Doctors assure them there’s nothing to be done about it. So the couple takes him home and raises him right and proper. The boy, alas, grows up ashamed of his difference and blames it on the fact that he has no friends, can’t get a date, has a crummy job, etc. (In truth, his problems are not due to the golden screw, but to the fact that he is, in fact, a total asshole. But perhaps I am editorializing.) Anyway, he goes to experts around the world to remove the screw, and gets nowhere. He’s told to just live with it. He sees scientists and surgeons and witch doctors and gurus and philosophers and sorcerers of all kinds and descriptions. Finally, he goes to a holy man who lives in a tower in the desert somewhere, who says, “I’ll tell you how to get rid of this thing, but you won’t like it. Maybe you should just accept yourself as you are.” But the guy insists, so the holy man gives him a set of instructions to follow during the next full moon. He follows the instructions to the letter, then lays down on a lawn chair under the moon – naked, of course – and waits for something to happen. Finally, a golden dot on the moon gets bigger and bigger and bigger – and closer and closer and closer. After a time, he realizes that a golden screwdriver is flying through the air, directly toward the guy, and he is powerless to escape. The giant golden screwdriver lands delicately on the golden screw, makes a few quick turns, and flies away, bringing the screw with it. The young man lays there for a long time (did I mention he was nude?) and marvels at what he has seen. Finally he yawns, stretches and stands up.

And his butt falls off.

(taken from Kelly Barnhill's Wordpress blog)

Well, but of course, I have my own variant on this old, overworn joke.  I put it in my book , Small Mountain Rambles, and reprise it here:

.

There were these two brothers who, while not real artistic themselves, were great supporters of the Los Gatos artists. One was Justin, the guy who came up the idea for Number One Broadway and basically put the place together, getting partners for financing and convincing the local stained glass and furniture makers that he was really wanted to have a first class show place for their talents. His brother, Douglas, was a one time manager of the early Mountain Charley's and dabbled in all sorts of different exploits from . . .

(to read the conclusion, click here)