Arts & Entertainment
Archbishop Demands Remarried Couples to Abstain From Sex
A satirical look at current events!
Archbishop Demands Remarried Couples Abstain From Sex: According to Philadelphia Archbishop Charles Chaput, Catholics in Philadelphia who are divorced and civilly remarried can be welcomed into the Catholic Church - just as long as they observe two simple rules: 1) abstain from sex and 2) live out their relationship like “brother and sister.”
Gee, no wonder Philadelphia’s known as “the city of brotherly love.” So, if I’m understanding this correctly, I get the impression that the Church in Philadelphia would have no qualms about marrying a brother and a sister then?
The truth be known, abstaining from sex would be rather difficult for someone like me because having sex appears to be deeply ingrained in my genes. As far as I can determine, my parents had sex, as did their parents and even my great-grandparents before them. So, as you can easily see, having sex does appear to run in the family.
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And at the risk of being sacrilegious, it sounds to me like its the archbishop who’s the one who’s actually divorced here - divorced from reality. Anyway, I’m not worried. How would they police this anyway, with webcams? Holy Moly, forget I said that! One thing’s for sure, if the Archbishop Chaput keeps coming up with clever ideas like these, he may have to change the name on his business cards from Archbishop Chaput to Archbishop Kaput.
