Arts & Entertainment
Automatic Sperm Extractor Introduced At Chinese Hospital
A satirical look at current events!
Automatic Sperm Extractor Introduced At Chinese Hospital: A Chinese hospital has just introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation to help infertile couples even easier - an automatic sperm extractor - a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user and all the donor has to do is set the frequency, amplitude and temperature, and mercifully, it comes with a small screen for those not feeling sufficiently inspired.
The machine is manufactured by a company called Genital Electric. I’m searching on Amazon Prime for one right now, thinking this would be the best attachment ever for my Segway. And can you imagine what a terrific Christmas gift this would make for Bill Clinton? Just don’t mistake this thing for the water fountain.
Manufacturers say the haven’t fully decided what to name the device, but they’re leaning toward calling it the Kardashian Z2000. And to keep the PETA people happy, makers promise to certify that this product has not been tested on animals.
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While some are hailing this as a positive development for infertile couples, others are quick to point out that if a device like this ever went mainstream, Paris Hilton would be out of a job. It also begs the question should one make eye contact with the guy who’s just finished when you’re the next one up on deck?
And the good news is, because its a completely “hands-free device, you can legally use it while driving. Just be careful not to hit the “slice” button! I wonder if its covered by insurance and if so, what would be the Co-Pay? Hell, just set this baby up next to a cigarette vending machine - and we’re good to go.
