California Grapes Threatened by Giant Wildfire

California Grapes Threatened by Giant Wildfire: The wildfires burning across California are threatening wineries and vineyards across the region at the start of harvest season, posing a potential risk to the state’s lucrative wine industry already hit by drought. Many local residents say they were unaware of the fire danger until they heard it though the grapevine. All we can do is hope the California Raisins make it out okay.

Study Explains Why Orgasms Help People Sleep: A new study found that having an orgasm is not only fun, but also a great way to induce sleep - because when you orgasm, you release a cocktail of hormones that actually promote good sleep - including oxytocin, serotonin and norepinephrine. Of course the exception would be women who’ve been with Bill Crosby, who are already fast asleep long before sex happens, let alone an orgasm.

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Florida Man Bites Off Neighbor’s Ear Over Cigarette: A Florida man has been arrested and charged with assault after he became so upset that his neighbor didn’t have a cigarette for him that he bit off his ear. Now that’s what I call a “nicotine fit.” Hell, I could understand it if we were talking about a joint instead of a cigarette - after all, you do get the “munchies." You gotta wonder though, did Mike Tyson move to Florida or something?

Stranded Woman Survives for 7-Weeks on Candy: A Canadian woman survived for seven weeks by eating only candy, after her car became stranded in a desolate, remote section of Nevada. Now I’m no survivalist, but I’m guessing that candy had to be Lifesavers.

Study Claims Venus Might Have Been Habitable for Billions of Years: A new study suggests that not only was the hellish, toxic planet Venus once habitable in the distant past, it could have remained habitable for billions of years. Hell, what’s the big deal? I suppose someone could even make the same argument about Cleveland.

Fifty Former National Security Officials Say Trump’s Not Qualified: Fifty former Republican national security officials, whose careers span more than four decades have released a letter stating that they are convinced he would be a dangerous president and would put at risk our country’s national security and well-being.” Sounds like Mr Trump’s finally building his wall, but the odd thing is, its turning out to be a wall between himself and other Republicans.

Study Says Mating Honeybees Need Genetic Diversity: U.S. researchers say that genetic diversity, based on how many times a queen bee mates, could be key to the survival of troubled honeybee colonies. Forget genetic diversity, I wanna know if mating honey bees call each other “honey.”

Australia's Tectonic Speed Leaving Cartographers Behind: Geoscientists say Australia, which rides on the world's fastest-moving continental tectonic plate, is heading north so quickly that map co-ordinates are now out of whack by as much as 1.5 meters (4.9 feet). So that explains why I had so much trouble finding my way back to my hotel room in Sydney last year. And to think all this time I just assumed it had something to do with all those Carlton Draughts I was slamming down.

Company Warns Fake Cancer Drug Hits US Market: The pharmaceutical company Roche is warning hospitals that there’s a fake version of its cancer drug Avastin now floating around American markets. Those associated with the counterfeit Avastin argue that there’s no real harm in taking the drug, just as long as you don’t really have cancer.

Judges Rule Former Porn Star Can’t Teach Middle School: A three-judge panel in California has ruled that a suspended middle school teacher cannot continue teaching after it was disclosed that she is actually former porn star Tiffany Six. School officials say they first became suspicious after male students in her classes began petitioning the school to bring back paddling.

Thousands of Bees Go on Rampage Outside Oklahoma Walmart: Three people have been hospitalized in Oklahoma City after a swarm of 50,000 bees escaped after one of the three hives a beekeeper was selling was accidentally dropped in a Walmart Neighborhood Market parking lot. Selling bees in a Walmart parking lot? I have to give them a hive-five for that. Not to bee mean, but they say bees are attracted to bright colors. Bet all those who were attacked were wearing yellow jackets. Let’s hope everyone wasp alright.

Zuckerberg Claims He Only Eats What He Kills: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg created a bit of controversy recently when he declared he will only eat the meat from something which he himself has killed. OK, but didn’t Jeffrey Dahmer have kind of the same idea?

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Clint Eastwood Defends Trump’s Race-Baiting in Esquire: During a recent interview with Esquire, 86-year old Clint Eastwood called today’s youth the “pussy generation” for being too politically correct, pointing out that “while much of what Trump says about racial minorities is wrong, I grew up in time when those things weren’t called racist.” Oh yeah, now I get it. Clint’s basically saying “I’m not saying Trump isn’t racist! I’m just saying it’s too bad we’re living in a time when racism is considered a bad thing.” Good points Clint - now let’s go change your diaper.

Greenland Shark May be 512 Years Old: Scientists say there’s a possibility that a recently caught Greenland shark may be 512 years old. And while that may sound quite impressive, scientists say Greenland whales have an even better pension plan.