Arts & Entertainment
First Lady Melania Trump Would Work to Combat Bullying
A satirical look at current events!
First Lady Melania Trump Would Work to Combat Bullying: Melania Trump, who’s kept a low profile since it was revealed she lifted parts of her 2016 Republican National Convention speech from Michelle Obama, told an audience that as first lady, she would work to combat online bullying. Wonderful idea! Hell, and while you’re at it, how about teaming up with Bill Cosby’s wife and perhaps the two of them could look into ways to prevent sexual assault too?
La Jolla Cove’s Natural Beauty Includes Foul Smell: World famous La Jolla Cove, where art galleries and coffee shops meet a stretch of unspoiled cliffs above the Pacific Ocean, is trying to deal with a growing problem of the strong smell of bird feces emanating off the rocks. Local residents report the smell is so disgusting, some tourists became so disoriented they thought they were in New Jersey.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Earliest Known T. Rex Predecessor Discovered: A dog-sized mini-predator has been discovered that may be the earliest known relative of T. rex and all meat-eating dinosaurs. Researchers say they came upon the carnivore totally by accident while watching old clips of “The Flintstones” cartoons.
David Duke Says He’s Not Opposed to All Jews: During a recent Louisiana senate debate, former KKK Grand Dragon David Duke told the moderator when asked about Jews that “there is a problem in America with a very strong, powerful tribal group that dominates our media and dominates international banking” - but quickly added - “I’m not opposed to all Jews.” How interesting Duke would say that, because I’m really not opposed to all morons, just the ones who open their mouths.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
UK Company to Price Car Insurance Based on Facebook Posts: One of the biggest insurance companies in Britain plans to use social media to analyze driver’s personalities and then use that data to determine the cost of their auto insurance. Geez, guess that would make my car insurance nothing but a big joke.
Man Arrested Selling Stolen Cheese at New Jersey Rest Stop: An Illinois man has been arrested for stealing 21 tons of Muenster from a Wisconsin cheese company and then attempting to sell the cheese at a rest stop on the New Jersey turnpike. Wonder how they caught him? Somebody must have smelled a rat.
MIT Scientists Develop Bionic Bomb-Sniffing Spinach: Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have designed bionic spinach that can communicate through carbon nanosensors which can detect chemical compounds commonly used in explosives. Guess that means those heroic, bomb-sniffing dogs are gonna be relegated to sniffing other dogs’ butts again. All I can say is, its a damn shame there was no spinach around when they were shooting “Deep Water Horizons.” They could’ve saved a boat load of money.
Redheaded Donors Turned Away at Danish Sperm Bank: According to its director, Denmark's Cries, the world's largest sperm bank, is turning away redheaded donors because ''there are too many redhead donors in relation to demand.” Not to be deterred, Denmark’s redheads vow to keep masturbating on.
Punches Way to Guinness World Record: With a steady beat of jabs, stuntman Ron Sarchian has punched his way into the record books by punching a 100-pound bag for more than 50 hours straight. He punched a bag for fifty hours straight? I hate to judge, but it sounds like someone has some issues.
Bea Arthur Nude Painting Sells For $1.9 Million: A nude portrait of Bea Arthur from 1991 by artist John Currin has fetched an incredible $1.9 million at Christie's Auction House. In all due respect, if I had an extra $1.9 million laying around to shell out for a nude painting, I’m not quite sure Bea Arthur would have been my first choice.
Former Congressman Walsh Promises to Grab Musket if Hillary Elected: Former Illinois congressman and right-wing talk show host Joe Walsh found himself forced to explain what he meant after tweeting “If Trump loses on November 9th, I’ll be grabbing my musket.” Wow, if he follows through, it will be forever known as the “shot heard round the trailer park.” That said, I suspect that election time isn’t the only time Walsh finds himself “grabbing his musket.”
Study Finds Social Media Addicting to Teens: A new study suggests that social media is significantly more addicting for teens than alcohol and cigarettes. So next time your teen tries to logon to Facebook, be a good parent and offer them some beer and cigarettes instead.
Seahawks Safety Earl Thomas Penalized for Hugging Ref: Seattle Seahawks safety Earl Thomas was so overcome with emotion after recovering a New Orleans fumble and returning it in for a touchdown that he gave the nearby ref a really big hug, then was immediately penalized for “touching a referee.” There’s absolutely no excuse for this. A professional like Thomas should know this is tackle, not touch football.
