Heightened Earthquake Alert Issued for Southern California

Heightened Earthquake Alert Issued for Southern California: Following a series of over 300 small temblors under the Salton Sea, officials are cautioning Southern California residents to be on heightened alert for the increased possibility of a major earthquake. Shortly afterward, the Trump/Pence campaign issued a memo pointing out how the Obama Administration has done very little in the way of preventing natural disasters from occurring around the world while Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson asked reporters “where’s California?”

Tyson Recalls Chicken Nuggets Sold at Costco Stores: Citing the possibility of plastic contamination, Tyson Foods has announced the recall of more than 66 tons of chicken nuggets sold at Costco locations,. Hell, that doesn’t sound like all that big of a recall when you consider just about anything you can buy at Costco is gonna come in at least a 66-ton container.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

German Tourist Mauled by Dingoes in Australia: A German man is recovering after being mauled by two dingoes while taking a nap away from his tour group on Fraser Island, just off the coast of Queensland. Wildlife officials say what’s most surprising about this attack is that dingoes typically much prefer Italian over German cuisine.

Tucker Carlson Claims Male Hillary Backers Suffer From Low Testosterone: Fox News host Tucker Carlson asserted that “science” was on the side of a doctor and Fox News contributor who claims male Hillary Clinton supporters suffer from low testosterone. Yeah, because who better exemplifies masculinity and machismo than Tucker Carlson? Nothing quite like pudgy little men with gynecoid asses critiquing about other people’s testosterone levels. If you ask me, they’re all just mad because progressive men aren’t buying any of those testosterone supplements those televangelists and right wing talk show hosts are always hawking.

Trump Urges Supporters to Monitor Polls in Certain Areas: Donald Trump is renewing his call for supporters to travel to precincts outside their own - “especially certain areas” - on election day to keep a vigilant eye out for voter fraud. OK, but my question is what exactly are they supposed to be looking for? Guys in fake beards and mustaches carrying ballots around? Of course - Donald Trump can send out all the pudgy little 2nd Amendment goons he wants to intimidate people of color from voting, but that won’t hide the fact that the biggest fraud in this election is none other than Donald J.Trump himself.

Father Leaves 2-Year-Old Alone in Truck Outside Stripper Bar: A 24-year-old man who left his small daughter in his pickup truck while he got drunk in a Van Nuys, California stripper bar has been arrested on suspicion of child endangerment. Child Welfare officials say it is their sincere hope that incidents like this will finally convince strip clubs to add child-care facilities to their establishments.

Italian Cat Grabs $13 Million Inheritance: A four-year-old one-time stray cat named Tommaso has become the world's richest cat after inheriting more than $13 million from his former owner, a 94-year-old Italian widow of a successful builder. The cat’s guardian said the first thing the cat will do with the money is purchase a new fur coat.

Brain-Eating Amoeba Found in Louisiana Drinking Water: The drinking water of a Louisiana parish has been found to contain a brain-eating amoeba that can be fatal if it goes up your nose. On a positive note, because its Louisiana, most brain-eating amoebas will likely go hungry and starve to death.

Rosetta Spacecraft Crash Lands On Comet: The Rosetta spacecraft ended its historic mission by crashing on the surface of the dusty, icy comet it has spent 12 years chasing in a hunt that has provided insight into the early days of the solar system and captured the public’s imagination. NASA says that upon landing on the rocky object, the spacecraft will then transition from Rosetta to “Rosetta Stone” and begin teaching the comet simple phrases in conversational French.

Samsung Now Dealing with Exploding Washing Machines: Samsung, still recovering from the messy recall of its premium Galaxy Note 7 smartphone, has disclosed that its washing machines are also prone to exploding. Its getting so bad, the Pentagon is rumored to be considering secretly ordering a bunch of Samsung appliances and then shipping them into areas that are known ISIS strongholds. On a personal note, I’ve just ordered a beautiful Samsung Galaxy Note 7 and a Samsung top-loading washing machine for my ex mother-in-law.

Katie Couric Admits She Suffered From Bulimia: Katie Couric once again discussed in a recent episode of her daytime talk show about how she suffered from bulimia while in college. Well it must be contagious then, because every time I watch her show, I feel like I want to puke.

Hubble Spots Salty Water Plumes on Jupiter’s Moon Europa: Astronomers say they have spotted evidence of salty water vapor plumes rising from Jupiter’s moon Europa, a finding that might make it easier to learn whether life exists in the warm, salty ocean hidden beneath Europa’s icy surface. Oh course, something like this could never work here on Earth with our finicky health trends, we’d be like “excuse me, but this primordial soup is way too salty. Please take it back.”

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Riding Roller Coasters May Help People Pass Kidney Stones: In a rather surprising find, a Michigan State University study conducted at Walt Disney World in Florida determined that riding roller coasters actually helps people pass kidney stones with far less pain and no need for surgery. Yeah, well good luck trying to get your insurance company to spring for the cost of a round trip ticket to Disney Word!

Heidi Klum’s Legs Valued at $2 Million: Its being reported that German supermodel and former Victoria’s Secret model Heidi Klum’s legs have been insured for $2 million. I tried to insure my legs too, but the insurance company told me to use them to take a hike.